tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-94514342012-01-26T15:52:20.829-06:00No_Newzhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/03948217674898022349noreply@blogger.comBlogger5791100tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-9451434.post-33274200075272923172012-01-24T12:18:00.002-06:002012-01-24T12:23:42.309-06:00

The rest of the world goes on; most unaware of what she endures. Full of life — a life she senses will soon be cut short by painful inevitabilities. Helpless, terrified and lonesome she struggles to break free from the mess she has found herself in. The only warmth she can find is in her tears and memories. Cold and alone she patiently awaits a miracle.This situation the deer is in metaphorically

No_Newzhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/03948217674898022349noreply@blogger.com8tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-9451434.post-5127887927580907532011-10-18T06:30:00.020-05:002011-10-18T07:23:39.344-05:00

Everybody Needs a Little Time Away……and lucky for me, my bestest ho allowed me to tagalong on her vacation to Hawaii. It’s nice having a friend who wants to take care of you, and even nicer when you can cut loose and let go. Our first stop was to my sister in-law Deb’s. She was taking us to the airport at some ungodly hour. We were going to have a sleepover, but once we started playing with her

No_Newzhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/03948217674898022349noreply@blogger.com19tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-9451434.post-28508119367819319652011-07-23T07:49:00.001-05:002011-07-23T08:02:59.979-05:00

Okay, Dawn, Jennifer to the third power, Jodi, Sue, and whoever else has taken over for my mother’s nagging me for a blog. Here ya go! (BTW, I had a system crash and lost the post I previously promised. But a blog’s a blog, right?!) Anything that is remotely fun can bring a smile to your face, right? Even hearing specific sounds or reading certain words can make you grin…that is if you’re freakin

No_Newzhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/03948217674898022349noreply@blogger.com17tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-9451434.post-55183640331081831852011-04-21T08:37:00.002-05:002011-04-21T18:30:25.229-05:00

The Lanes are gearing up for an eggciting Easter Sunday! The whole fam damily is coming over and I couldn’t be happier.My mom used to plan parties at my house and clue me in days before the blessed event. I haven’t had the family over since the last time she did that to me. Anita has taken over Mom’s role in that aspect. At least she gave me plenty of warning.The family hasn’t been the same in

No_Newzhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/03948217674898022349noreply@blogger.com18tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-9451434.post-39790898999832359522011-01-09T19:01:00.002-06:002011-01-09T19:09:18.032-06:00

You can't put me on a leash. Johnny Rotten may have been on to something when he said that. Oh hey, are you still here?It’s really hard to go back in time. This ol’ creature of habit can’t take it anymore. Having a boss…bosses… too many to count in fact, is too much for me. I’m going back to freelancing for the newspaper. Thankfully those above mentioned bosses agree. I flat out did better and

No_Newzhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/03948217674898022349noreply@blogger.com26tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-9451434.post-26544872826593244882010-10-08T05:58:00.003-05:002010-10-08T06:13:27.146-05:00

You ever do something and then kick yourself in the ass over it? I have. That’s one of the reasons why I’ve been missing in action around here lately. I signed a piece of paper that says I will not blog (at or) about work. Hmm…Some of the people who work there actually get paid to blog. Whatever.Since nearly everything I do is centered around the stupid job, what the hell am I allowed to tell you

No_Newzhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/03948217674898022349noreply@blogger.com21tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-9451434.post-10470601020165157642010-06-29T11:15:00.006-05:002010-06-29T11:44:35.149-05:00

The Lanes, also known on Facebook as the Twaters took our last family vacation with our kids. The next time we go anywhere, Lane 1 will be paying. Kidding, kind of. He is 18, all grown up and whatnot. Still a pain in the ass, then again, so is his father and he is 40!We went to the Mall of America, visited some of my “creepy internet friends” who “weren’t that creepy after all.” We also went to a

No_Newzhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/03948217674898022349noreply@blogger.com22tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-9451434.post-38706307976497118292010-06-23T15:29:00.024-05:002010-06-23T22:28:50.747-05:00

It’s supposed to be a love song. For me - it’s a song to my mom. It’s a song from my mom - just for us. (blog post below lyrics)Time, is going by, so much faster than I,And I'm starting to regret not spending all of it with you.Now I'm, wondering why, I've kept this bottled inside,So I'm starting to regret not telling all of it to you.So if I haven't yet, I've gotta let you know,You're never

No_Newzhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/03948217674898022349noreply@blogger.com31tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-9451434.post-46287569713511923092010-05-22T12:41:00.007-05:002010-05-22T13:12:29.650-05:00

I don’t care how old you are when it happens, being an orphan sucks. Maybe if there were a Daddy Warbucks in my future, I could tame my emotions with some retail therapy. When your mom dies, the last thing you should ever do… is listen to country music. You should also avoid Disney movies and Lifetime Television for Women. Never noticed how many dead mommy stories and how much depressing shit is

No_Newzhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/03948217674898022349noreply@blogger.com33tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-9451434.post-3241932421191479032010-05-16T09:03:00.002-05:002010-05-16T09:24:57.651-05:00

Mother’s Day 2010, Mom and her girls.Her last direct order to me was, “Get those babies home and ready for their dance, take a lot of pictures. Life is going to happen… if I’m here or not. You have to live. It’s okay. I’ll be fine, honey. See you tomorrow. I love you.”Tomorrow never came.That was the last time I saw my mom. Those are the last words she said to me in person. We talked again later

No_Newzhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/03948217674898022349noreply@blogger.com40tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-9451434.post-34381567523802676072010-04-19T09:39:00.006-05:002010-04-19T11:06:01.610-05:00

It’s taken me a while to purge this post. Thank you for being patient with me. Well some of you have been nagging but I won’t go naming names. I’ve been sick for a little over a month, pneumonia strikes again. I can’t seem to shake it, medicine makes me feel sicker. Thought about a bottle of whiskey, decided alcoholism wouldn’t look good on me. Coughing my head off at 5 am, having a cup of coffee

No_Newzhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/03948217674898022349noreply@blogger.com36tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-9451434.post-11509841593120509712010-02-19T10:15:00.006-06:002010-02-19T12:10:09.154-06:00

The sinners are much more fun! I love that song... Oh hi, are you still here? Sorry about being gone. I’ve been one cooking fool. Everyone in the house has gained a few pounds since our kitchen is now fully functional. But to say I’ve been gone so long simply because of food would be a big fat lie. Did you see Pineapple Express? I’m going to borrow a euphemism of sorts from the movie to better

No_Newzhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/03948217674898022349noreply@blogger.com60tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-9451434.post-68634036719688283452010-01-29T09:29:00.015-06:002010-01-30T06:14:49.965-06:00

Clearly this kitchen fiasco has been getting to me. Some times it even invades my sleep. The other night I couldn’t escape pornographic dreams. They were so vivid and intense. In the twilight of dreamland, my internal fat girl was in full control as she dreamt of the yummy goodness The Food Network has to offer. Paula Deen penetrated my slumber with fried chicken, biscuits and apple pie. God

No_Newzhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/03948217674898022349noreply@blogger.com37tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-9451434.post-35210121427678701052010-01-20T06:50:00.006-06:002010-01-20T06:55:08.553-06:00

(Yes, Symphony of Destruction, is a Megadeath song.)To say this kitchen thing has been a headache could possibly be the understatement of the new millennia. It’s been a month since the pipe burst. Demo work finally began yesterday. Finally.The carpenter couldn’t find anything we wanted (color, brand, style) within the insurance allotment. After 15 hours (driving time not included) over four days

No_Newzhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/03948217674898022349noreply@blogger.com10tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-9451434.post-8810018710589547222010-01-13T07:40:00.008-06:002010-01-13T07:49:04.267-06:00

Sometimes a girl does need to post three times in a week. This post is a follow up to yesterday’s. So many good ideas, and such great advice, I can’t thank you guys enough! I wish I had time to make it to a home improvement center before making a decision, but it isn’t in the cards since the carpenter will be here tomorrow. I realize what a difficult question I was asking of you, and appreciate

No_Newzhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/03948217674898022349noreply@blogger.com20tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-9451434.post-55289532646262351442010-01-12T08:33:00.001-06:002010-01-12T09:13:13.458-06:00

I know I just blogged a couple of days ago, but I really need your help.The carpenter called and wants to go shopping. If you know me, then you know shopping is one of the things I do not enjoy, mostly because I have virtually no style. (If you’re not sure what I’m talking about, please see the posts below about pipes exploding and all hell breaking loose in our kitchen.)He sounded so excited for

No_Newzhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/03948217674898022349noreply@blogger.com23tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-9451434.post-89367692072559525432010-01-09T09:36:00.013-06:002010-01-09T17:39:26.988-06:00

Lane 2 is probably one of the most likeable teenagers I’ve ever met. I’m not just saying that because she is my daughter. She has the best traits my old man and I have to offer in our goofy genetic pool. She is kind-hearted, smart, funny and never stays angry very long.Every day after school, she volunteers at the teen center, tutoring younger kids. Some days she comes home and talks about how

No_Newzhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/03948217674898022349noreply@blogger.com20tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-9451434.post-79419988297069476252009-12-28T08:28:00.005-06:002009-12-28T10:12:39.378-06:00

One thing you may notice is that my comment service has changed. Haloscan was trying to badger me out of more money in order to keep my comments. So they held them ransom and waited for me to pay them or tell them to piss off. I chose the latter. It sucks losing five years worth of comments, but what can you do? I’ve been expunging a lot of things from my life lately, it’s part of moving forward

No_Newzhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/03948217674898022349noreply@blogger.com26tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-9451434.post-55084690879797514232009-12-17T09:01:00.010-06:002009-12-17T10:15:35.208-06:00

So much has been going on around here I barely know where to begin. How about, I cram ten pounds of shit into this five-pound blog?! First and foremost, if you are my “friend” on Facebook, you may have already seen some of these pictures but you don’t know the whole story. My cousins, planned an amazing send off to an amazing man. Uncle Eddie was under hospice care and knew he was nearing the end

No_Newzhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/03948217674898022349noreply@blogger.com6tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-9451434.post-39273164001359073172009-12-11T08:31:00.002-06:002009-12-11T08:35:39.406-06:00

This post is not for the faint of heart, children, family members or anyone who wishes to continue viewing me in a virginal light. (How’s that for a disclaimer?!)I went out to lunch with the girls last week. My friend Jodi hooked me up with a bottle of sure-fire-sex, better known as a raspberry tart ale, brewed in Wisconsin. Me and the old man don’t drink very often so it only took one glass each

No_Newzhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/03948217674898022349noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-9451434.post-55504834134545908122009-12-03T09:13:00.003-06:002009-12-03T09:56:42.103-06:00

This is the post where angry Lois goes off on a tangent or ten.I’m one of millions in this country to have taken on a second job to help make ends meet. Financially, we have been screwed for most of our lives, lately however, it’s gotten so bad there really wasn’t a choice. As inflation keeps growing, our paychecks have been shrinking. As most of you know, Mr. Lane and I bought our first house

No_Newzhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/03948217674898022349noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-9451434.post-45269797137705539272009-11-25T07:25:00.003-06:002009-11-25T07:39:18.251-06:00

...and for a limited time only, I bring to you my coverage of The Turkey Testicle Festival with a few add-ons.I walked in like I bought the place, even though my heart was heavy as I just learned my Uncle Giant lost his battle with cancer. “The show must go on,” I could hear him say in my mind. And so it did.Unscripted, in a town I’ve never been, surrounded by people I’d never met, they threw me

No_Newzhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/03948217674898022349noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-9451434.post-48284123175468241652009-11-21T11:55:00.005-06:002009-11-23T08:59:10.202-06:00

As the holidays approach, a lot of my friends are freaking out about their weight. What is it about the holiday season that makes people beat themselves up? Holiday traditions in ALL countries, cultures, races and religions revolve around food, why freak?If you think now is the time to worry about your weight, you’re going to miss out. Think about Santa for a second, you don’t see him skipping

No_Newzhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/03948217674898022349noreply@blogger.com1tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-9451434.post-46884060112466621482009-11-14T08:00:00.004-06:002009-11-14T09:59:20.210-06:00

It was a whirlwind having so many visitors after Rosie O’Donnell posted the link to Home Fires on her blog. In five years, there’s never been over 500 visitors in one day here. Looking at my crazy cat lady post, I wondered if it was a good enough first-impression to get new people to come back. Then on Rosie Radio yesterday, she too talked about her own animal magnetism with her guest Sonya

No_Newzhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/03948217674898022349noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-9451434.post-53097811252847032272009-11-06T06:52:00.005-06:002009-11-06T07:40:29.324-06:00

If previous lives are real, there is no doubt that I once was a crazy cat lady. My house probably stunk to the high heavens of ammonia, and I likely lived on canned cat food. Why would I think such a thing? Because sometimes I feel so connected to those fuzzy little bastards it isn’t even funny. (Remember the story of Chip? If not, email me and I’ll send it to you. It depicts an odd connection

No_Newzhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/03948217674898022349noreply@blogger.com6tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-9451434.post-55673950869423378322009-10-29T10:55:00.005-05:002009-10-29T12:07:18.344-05:00

The story about my super duper life saving skills is going to have to wait for another day. Sorry. But like Janet Jackson said, “I promise, I’ll be worth the wait.”If you’ve been reading Home Fires for a while, you already know Rosie O’Donnell is someone I look up to as a mom, humanitarian, philanthropist, author and comedian. She has read and commented on this blog three times, always offering a

No_Newzhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/03948217674898022349noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-9451434.post-43623554682172235052009-10-24T10:24:00.008-05:002009-10-24T11:01:40.286-05:00

In kindergarten, my son, Lane 1 got into trouble when he stepped out of line to play with the drinking fountain. He received his first detention that day. At the time, and now looking back, I really don’t think it was detention worthy. But like everything in life, it was a lesson learned.At the age of 5, he said he “saw a spider on the spout, and wanted to send it down the drain so nobody would

No_Newzhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/03948217674898022349noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-9451434.post-68779774893604075262009-10-16T14:13:00.006-05:002009-10-16T15:09:24.305-05:00

There's no shame in my game as you long-time readers know. Today was no different. I called into a test show for Rosie O’Donnell. You can imagine my surprise when the phone actually rang.My heart was all racy and my hands were super sweaty. I got through nine times. Eight of those times the ringing turned into a fast busy signal. I was about to give up because I never took Stalking 101, but I was

No_Newzhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/03948217674898022349noreply@blogger.com8tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-9451434.post-35413712573248061972009-10-05T10:26:00.017-05:002009-10-06T10:22:09.612-05:00

There are a couple of upsides to kids growing up. I know, I don’t like to admit it either. Just the conversations we share and those they share with each other, should make me okay with the process of watching my babies bloom into adulthood. I really do love listening/talking to them.Let’s take a step back for a minute. When Lane 1 and Lane 2 were little, everything we discussed revolved around

No_Newzhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/03948217674898022349noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-9451434.post-39700025351194762182009-10-03T08:02:00.002-05:002009-10-03T08:07:49.433-05:00

What is the world coming to, when Lois Frickin’ Lane is singing a Taylor Swift song? If you know the song in the title, you’ll understand why as you read along. If you don’t, check out the lyrics as they seem to fit this situation better than any song.I’m nervous because of reason 3,698. Somewhere, someday, you may find a book with all of the reasons in numeric order. Until then…You really ought

No_Newzhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/03948217674898022349noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-9451434.post-32964966114588490532009-09-25T10:00:00.004-05:002009-09-25T10:11:33.740-05:00

It’s always an honor to see one of your friends get the recognition they deserve. Today, William of Poop and Boogies received what has been a long time coming. Dr. Phil mentioned his blog on his website.William has been blogging funnies about his own childhood as well as rearing his sons, all the while admitting his lovely bride, Lauren is always right. Not a lot of husbands will admit such a

No_Newzhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/03948217674898022349noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-9451434.post-6898019643379986512009-09-02T08:39:00.004-05:002009-09-02T19:23:04.464-05:00

It ain't all hearts and flowers, this married stuff. I brag on my old man all the time, see post below. And mostly, he deserves it. Today Mr. Lane is in the doghouse and I need your help.Is owning up to cock-like behavior enough? Mr. Lane called me to apologize for displaying many forms of assholery and dickonometry as of late. When I hung up, I thought, wow he knew he was a dick without me

No_Newzhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/03948217674898022349noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-9451434.post-80220879140387823322009-08-07T08:45:00.014-05:002009-08-07T09:28:24.966-05:00

One thing people keep asking me after hearing of all the bad news around here... "Lois, how do you manage to keep a sense of humor?"If you've been wondering the same, just look below. They make me smile, they fill my heart and they give me plenty to laugh about/at/with. Sure this summer sucked, no doubt, but look how lucky I am.Lane 2 and Mr. Lane, craziest monkeys at the zoo.Even the real

No_Newzhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/03948217674898022349noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-9451434.post-23860819682767966702009-07-30T07:53:00.003-05:002009-07-30T08:00:24.549-05:00

I’ll understand if you need to read this slowly over several days or if it’s all just way too much and you close the browser. I can so relate to that! I started to write this the same day I published the post below so it may read as a continuation. If you are new here or just find yourself lost, catch up on The Summer of Suckage by reading the posts below.The fucking dam finally broke a little.

No_Newzhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/03948217674898022349noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-9451434.post-71462462755153863262009-07-24T23:32:00.004-05:002009-07-24T23:52:49.133-05:00

The good news first, I have a job with heaps of work. The bad news is my laptop crapped out. The good news is my son is so awesome, he secretly gave his dad money to buy me a new one. The bad news is I have to pay him back eventually. The good news is, he doesn’t know what “interest” means.I’ve been collaborating with a children’s production company while all hell has been breaking loose. You

No_Newzhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/03948217674898022349noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-9451434.post-76435775788388438502009-06-21T13:59:00.003-05:002009-06-21T14:09:16.804-05:00

What was supposed to be a fun road trip for me and my girl has turned into a trip from Hell. We left Illinois headed to Lake of the Ozarks at 6 am on May 30th. We spent one night in Missouri and were going to drive to Florida with my mother and father in-law for a family wedding. Since my father in-law wasn't feeling well and had refused to go to the doctor days before, I dragged his ass to

No_Newzhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/03948217674898022349noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-9451434.post-47014474979115181322009-05-24T09:32:00.010-05:002009-05-24T10:23:52.888-05:00

We went to my grade school reunion last week. I was so genuinely happy to see so many familiar, beautiful, happy faces when I walked in I wanted to hug the fucking waiter. Ya know? It's been a week and I can't stop looking at the pictures and smiling like a giant doofus. Whatever!We walked into the bar and my mind flashed back as I saw those older but familiar faces smiling back at me. I don't

No_Newzhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/03948217674898022349noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-9451434.post-32649022623670806622009-05-16T10:23:00.002-05:002009-05-16T10:28:27.294-05:00

...where everybody knows your name and everything else! My friend Jackie invited the Lanes to her family barbeque. When we got there I was a little out of place. My old man was out of town. The kids had all ran off to join the circus or do whatever it is kids do, and I didn't know anyone else except Jackie and her old man Donny, who was incidentally already half in the bag. On second thought, he

No_Newzhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/03948217674898022349noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-9451434.post-81930899350675100982009-04-27T10:13:00.001-05:002009-04-27T10:21:55.519-05:00

Yoohoo! Is anyone home? Sorry to have worried anyone in my absence. I was off dying. No, no, it's okay. You don't have to send flowers just yet, and no, it isn't the swine flu. Just because I talk like a pig, doesn't mean jack diddly shit.I was pretty sure I was dying, anyhow. I got a lovely case of pneumonia. I'm not going to lie, it may have been the worst I've ever felt in my life. Which means

No_Newzhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/03948217674898022349noreply@blogger.com1tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-9451434.post-53342826547896573212009-03-20T07:28:00.004-05:002009-03-20T12:17:22.737-05:00

The email subscription is now working. If you would like Home Fires to email you when I've updated, enter your email address in the box on the right sidebar. I'll have to pay more attention to what time I post. The feed emails subscribers at a certain time. If I post after the scheduled time, it waits until the next day.It had been 25 years since I'd seen my friend Sherry. I was anxious to see

No_Newzhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/03948217674898022349noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-9451434.post-48279053620279401802009-03-19T09:17:00.004-05:002009-03-19T11:25:20.116-05:00

...as much as I love doodie, vote for my friend. You don't have to register. Just click the "vote for me" thingy. This contest will give him a shot to share his comedy with the masses. You can vote once every 24 hours, please do.Thank you in advance for your cooperation. xoxo LoBigGayCasting.comP.S. You can also add this widget to your site. The more publicity the better.

No_Newzhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/03948217674898022349noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-9451434.post-62236061841381451492009-03-15T08:54:00.003-05:002009-03-15T09:08:51.813-05:00

In the last two weeks, two of my biggest fans passed away. The first was our dear Hoss. The second was one of my old publishers who had been fighting esophageal cancer. Both had more faith in me and my writing than I ever had. My ego, along with all of my other 2,000 parts, will miss them immensely.Thank you all for the condolences in the last post. I send mine to you as well. Hoss was loved by

No_Newzhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/03948217674898022349noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-9451434.post-83056358405598057762009-03-07T14:50:00.006-06:002009-03-07T15:19:37.160-06:00

Born: Oct. 1 and 2, 1930Died: March 7, 2009(Photo of Hoss proudly modeling the NIU sweatshirt I gave him.)It is with a heavy heart that I share this news...One of my favorite people, one of my first, oldest, nearest and dearest blog buddies, Gene Maudlin passed away today.If Frank Sinatra and the Burger King guy had a love child, it would have been Hoss. He did it his way, making his exit here

No_Newzhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/03948217674898022349noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-9451434.post-52974774161971838912009-03-02T10:13:00.007-06:002009-03-02T11:17:42.209-06:00

By now you all know I have a screw loose in my head. Maybe that's why you keep coming back to Home Fires. Today I have a lot of random shit to talk about. Try to stay with me.I wasn't going to tell you guys this because it was pretty embarrassing, but since it has become a running joke here, I thought, why not.I was two rooms away from my old man, when I thought I heard him yell my name. Since I

No_Newzhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/03948217674898022349noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-9451434.post-43066897112847551182009-02-22T17:23:00.010-06:002009-02-22T20:35:47.394-06:00

*You can now get an email letting you know when I've updated Home Fires, by entering your email address in the subscribe box to your right.*Last week I went to get Lane 1's car out of the impound lot. (Please see the last two posts for the back story if you are new here or have been MIA a while.) The police use a local towing company to keep cars until investigations are complete. When I got

No_Newzhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/03948217674898022349noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-9451434.post-56184247531846550622009-02-12T09:27:00.003-06:002009-02-12T09:31:43.577-06:00

If you read the post below, you know that my son's car was totaled. The other day, we found out it wasn't the man who they said. Rather, a man with a very similar name. (First names are the same and last names are different by a couple of letters, both men are around 400 pounds, and they live in the same little neighborhood. I can see where the mix up was.) Not that one person's life is more

No_Newzhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/03948217674898022349noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-9451434.post-86452533722369108702009-02-08T09:09:00.004-06:002009-02-08T15:12:08.276-06:00

Nothing can freak a mom out as much as a phone call moments after curfew from their teenager who's crying so hard, you can't make out the words he is saying.I got that call Friday night from my son, Lane 1. Of course my heart sank and mind raced with the many horrible possibilities, as I pressed the phone harder to my ear, trying to understand what he was saying. Lane 1 never cries, so I,

No_Newzhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/03948217674898022349noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-9451434.post-17427297375279954102009-02-01T14:18:00.003-06:002009-02-01T14:39:22.772-06:00

Well, I lied to you guys... again. Remember a year ago when I said something like, "Unless my dogs start to shit gold nuggets, I won't write about them." Total lie.Since it's Super Bowl Sunday and I can't really give a crap about football, I actually considered watching Animal Planet's Puppy Bowl, with my daughter, Lane 2. It's a great day for vegging out, so why not? Puppies are cute, and I hear

No_Newzhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/03948217674898022349noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-9451434.post-71819465807836150582009-01-23T09:24:00.003-06:002009-01-23T11:19:37.866-06:00

Most people would say, "You are your own worst critic." Although that may be true in the real world, I live in the Lane Estate, therefore, my worst critics are my lovely children. I just finished up a writing gig for a stand-up comedian. While working on material, I would periodically run a joke idea by them. Do you remember Statler & Waldorf, the Muppet Show critics? That would be the Lane kids.

No_Newzhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/03948217674898022349noreply@blogger.com1tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-9451434.post-88178115250693973982009-01-10T09:20:00.006-06:002009-01-10T09:52:04.259-06:00

My daughter Lane 2, took some pictures of our travels and time spent at the in-laws. You can read the full story below. Our 6 1/2 hour ride turned into a 9 1/2 hour ride because of the road and weather conditions.Here's Mr. Lane trying to pull ice off of the windshield wipers. Here's a state trooper controlling the speed by leading the way.Here's a jackknifed semi. She got some other good

No_Newzhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/03948217674898022349noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-9451434.post-69592634021417829072009-01-03T12:22:00.008-06:002009-01-03T12:34:55.104-06:00

I know I just blogged four days ago, but today, I realized that I missed our blog anniversary last month. I hope you aren't upset. I know, I didn't get you anything. It's just money is really tight right now, but I love ya just the same.Yesterday marked the 19th year of shackedupdom for me and my old man. Mr. Lane was as smooth as curdled milk back in the day. He acted as if being from California

No_Newzhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/03948217674898022349noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-9451434.post-13122893896219965052008-12-30T09:39:00.005-06:002008-12-30T09:49:40.620-06:00

... & Everything ElseHolidays with the in-laws, I don't think there's anything that can make you fatter faster. Every Lane gained at least five pounds in a couple of days. My mother in-law cooks like a beast, and we ate nearly nonstop. Lane 2 and I filled up on vegetables, so how we packed on the pounds is beyond me. Of course, my mother in-law claims carrot cake isn't technically veggies.

No_Newzhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/03948217674898022349noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-9451434.post-52424783652027629742008-12-22T06:06:00.002-06:002008-12-22T06:12:40.304-06:00

Oh my gosh! I have neglected you again! I am so sorry. Time seems so little to be had. The kids are out of school. The weather is crap. I do not feel the spirit of Christmas, whatsoever. I feel more like the reindeer shit left out in the cold. But, like everything sucky, this too shall pass. I have been trying to keep up with my blog on Funny or Die, my family blog and my stalking. Yeah, I'm at

No_Newzhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/03948217674898022349noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-9451434.post-37385614555050229052008-12-04T09:04:00.004-06:002008-12-04T11:45:13.088-06:00

A couple of years ago, an anonymous poster, left a comment suggesting that I was a bad mother because I am making my kids wait until they are 16 years old before they can date. They claimed I was fighting puberty and nature. Recently a friend, whose children are much younger, posed a similar question. I really don't have to explain myself to anyone, but for my friend's sake, and for any of you

No_Newzhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/03948217674898022349noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-9451434.post-8649403142002113752008-12-01T09:10:00.003-06:002008-12-02T09:16:14.253-06:00

The ratings and reviews are in and Rosie Live is a no go for NBC. That means it's also a door closed for me. Not just my dreams, but Rosie O'Donnell's too. She has talked about wanting to host a variety show for years. I feel so bad for her, but I know, like me, she'll mend, and go on to the next chapter of life.This morning, I feel pretty good even though the news was disappointing. The stuff

No_Newzhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/03948217674898022349noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-9451434.post-66460262754430245512008-11-21T11:18:00.006-06:002008-11-26T07:33:15.457-06:00

I'm no Mighty Mouse, but I sure played one this morning. I know I don't typically blog more than once a week, but this news is so big and so amazing, I had to share immediately. If you didn't see my previous post about my cousin's passing, it's below, so is a picture of Lane 1 and his new car. Please notice his cute outfit.It's been a while since I've written about my heroic efforts to save those

No_Newzhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/03948217674898022349noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-9451434.post-28719959806285658982008-11-15T12:29:00.006-06:002008-11-15T12:41:38.079-06:00

A few days ago, I posted a blog on MySpace that I didn't post here. I've received a few emails from Home Fires "regulars" whose feelings were hurt because I chose to only post it on MySpace. I rationalized doing so because I convinced myself that it would be just my luck, I post something serious and unfunny, and Rosie O'Donnell sure as hell is going to finally see my link in the Ask Ro, come

No_Newzhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/03948217674898022349noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-9451434.post-75385259683034960712008-11-06T11:41:00.009-06:002008-11-07T06:18:24.179-06:00

(Update posted Friday 6 a.m., see below.)Me and my old beav are still writing like the wind, hoping and praying Rosie O'Donnell jumps on the RoLo bandwagon. I wonder if you guys realize how badly I want this opportunity. I wonder if you're aware of measures I've taken, besides the run-of-the-mill stalking, mentioned at Home Fires. I've tried everything you can think of plus about 12 other things

No_Newzhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/03948217674898022349noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-9451434.post-42122277187209951942008-10-28T07:21:00.004-05:002009-10-16T15:23:26.616-05:00

As many of you know, I turned 36 in June. Not exactly old or young, just sorta lost in the in between. And I'm cool with my age. But, you can imagine my shock and dismay upon discovering, I have three gray hairs. This isn't so much a vanity thing. Everyone knows that I've been seen walking out of my house looking like this, (scroll to the picture) which clearly means I am by far the least vain of

No_Newzhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/03948217674898022349noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-9451434.post-19809375779506955842008-10-18T09:44:00.002-05:002008-10-18T09:51:01.880-05:00

I haven't heard from Rosie...yet. But if you guys keep trying, and I keep writing, hoping, praying, believing, it's bound to happen. Squeaky wheel gets the grease, remember. I miss her old blog. Days of deep posts from hidden places in her mind, written like lyrics, thoughts in bunches typed on the page. The press thought she was trying to be poetic. They have trouble with reading comprehension,

No_Newzhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/03948217674898022349noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-9451434.post-32871661788912573912008-10-07T09:31:00.003-05:002008-10-07T15:58:48.961-05:00

Operation RoLo is in full-swing! Thanks to all of you participating. If you are new here, this is the scoop: I want a comedy writing job, specifically one working for and with, Rosie O'Donnell. Last week it was announced that she is getting her own variety show, which is her dream job. Coincidence, that my dream job is writing sketch comedy for such a show? I think not. I would just die to be the

No_Newzhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/03948217674898022349noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-9451434.post-35653179136619000702008-10-02T11:14:00.007-05:002008-10-04T07:02:48.615-05:00

Open Letter to Ro from LoDear Rosie O'Donnell, I pretty much already auditioned to be a writer on your show, Rosie's Variety Hour, since we have been blog buddies for nearly four years. I've been to your blog, you've been to mine. You have been very kind and inspiring to me. Leaving these comments:In response to this post, you said, "hey u r an amazing writerfunny and reali love this storymy son

No_Newzhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/03948217674898022349noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-9451434.post-72688323462146929112008-09-21T08:44:00.001-05:002008-09-21T08:44:59.357-05:00

Family and prudish friends, skip the first half of this blog. Eighteen years into this relationship with Mr. Lane, I opened Pandora's Box. I was just trying to get a cup of coffee, when Darla, my wiener dog, licked my bare foot. I told her, "Stop licking my feet unless you're going to buy me dinner first."Mr. Lane's sleepy eyes perked wide open. He asked, "Have you ever had a foot fetish?""Are

No_Newzhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/03948217674898022349noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-9451434.post-62634280926699889572008-09-14T12:33:00.003-05:002008-09-14T18:03:04.198-05:00

Ain't that the truth! Sorry I bombarded you all with that bullshit drama below. I was beside myself, and turning to writing did feel good. As long as that post was, I realized I did leave out a lot of details when I went back and read the whole thing. It's all water under the bridge. It has to be in order to heal completely, right? But your comments, emails and phone calls were healing. I can't

No_Newzhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/03948217674898022349noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-9451434.post-57389048305757543692008-09-10T09:40:00.002-05:002008-09-21T16:04:08.166-05:00

On Aug. 14th, my brother in-law, drug addict and alcoholic, manic, bipolar, ADHD, PTSD, OCD, LMNOP (whatever) suicidal, father of three, came to live with us, to get clean and sober. I told Mr. Lane that I wasn't ready for another live-in, especially one who needed so much attention, and came with so much baggage. Unfortunately, Mr. Lane already told his brother it was okay. In the three weeks he

No_Newzhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/03948217674898022349noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-9451434.post-37617957500478092732008-08-29T12:54:00.008-05:002008-08-29T15:16:42.384-05:00

A fucking month? Wow! Where has the time gone? Thanks for the emails, yes, I am still alive. Sorry I haven't updated in so long. The good news is I have been sidetracked because I am up to my ass in freelance work. I love when people pay me to do what I love.There's so many things to tell you guys about, I barely know where to begin. Besides my publishing credits growing, it's harvest time, which

No_Newzhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/03948217674898022349noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-9451434.post-43788000705676848072008-07-30T08:10:00.003-05:002008-07-30T11:41:23.634-05:00

Without my sister in-law, I'm no super hero. (please see this post, Billy Don't Be A Hero for reference) In fact, I am down right boring by myself. Thankfully for the latest dead guy, my hubby was there ready to help me save another life.Deb and I were quite happy being the Double D Death Defying Duo. We were not in search, or in need of a third wheel. But there I was, without Deb, driving back

No_Newzhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/03948217674898022349noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-9451434.post-1617367767828974882008-07-26T07:23:00.003-05:002008-07-26T07:35:00.651-05:00

There is only one person who has participated in the contest mentioned below. Pinky, who was the winner of our last contest, receiving an autographed copy of David Nickerson's comedy DVD, needs some competition. She has sent all of her minions to my MySpace blog, and has a pretty good group. But, the contest will remain open until I feel this girl has been given a run for her money. Sure, she may

No_Newzhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/03948217674898022349noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-9451434.post-81807407726526894102008-07-15T10:38:00.002-05:002008-07-15T10:40:59.892-05:00

It's contest time again folks! Round up your posse and bring them down to China Town, or at least to Home Fires. Bud Buckley's new autographed CD is waiting for you. What do you have to do? Just blog all about why you deserve to win. You can have your readers or viewers come and tell me why you should win. You can leave your own reasons why in my comments below. You can post it on your own blog

No_Newzhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/03948217674898022349noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-9451434.post-52802392296279836712008-06-28T08:38:00.000-05:002008-06-28T08:39:18.736-05:00

Poor Mr. Lane, duped again by his old lady. When is that man going to learn that the good Lawd put me on this planet to torment him? Obviously my husband is a little slow. Maybe that's why I like him so much. As if his self-inflicted injury weren't enough embarrassment, (please see post with photo below) he saw that I posted it on the internet. I was adding links to my sidebar and he looked over

No_Newzhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/03948217674898022349noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-9451434.post-69601476389728865002008-06-21T08:47:00.006-05:002008-12-12T02:36:58.599-06:00

Thank you all for the birthday wishes. It was a great day!My sister in-law summons us to build her a deck. I've never questioned my own sexuality before this. Deb and I went to Menard's with a laundry list of wood and supplies. Picture if you will, my sister in-law and I walking through the mega hardware store, side-by-side and knowing where to find everything. It paints a picture of life

No_Newzhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/03948217674898022349noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-9451434.post-28723566569980108812008-06-11T12:21:00.004-05:002008-08-03T07:50:29.463-05:00

Poor Mr. Lane. I pulled a dirty rotten son of a bitch on him, and there wasn't a thing he could do about my antics. Sucks to be you, pretty boy. I didn't plan it out. Sometimes, life happens and I don't get the short end of the stick. Those are the moments I cherish most of all.Lane 2 has a friend over. She is staying with us for two weeks. It took three days before Mr. Lane noticed the extra kid

No_Newzhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/03948217674898022349noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-9451434.post-33642737067854055892008-06-03T07:51:00.002-05:002008-06-03T08:06:02.101-05:00

...Unless You Have Fat HandsFredric J. Baur died last month. He was 89. Do any of you know who that was? Well, as an investigative reporter, I've been searching for this guy for decades. Not so much for a big news story, but to give him a piece of my mind.Don't worry, I only wanted to give a small piece. Seems Fredric was the genius behind the Pringles packaging system.He wasn't the one who gave

No_Newzhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/03948217674898022349noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-9451434.post-83666673158723344202008-05-23T08:18:00.012-05:002008-12-12T02:36:59.767-06:00

There were ten winners in the latest contest. Names were drawn by Mr. Lane. So if you didn't win, it's all his fault. You can send hate mail to him in the comments below, and I will be sure to forward them on. I emailed the winners telling them they were finalists. I also told them to watch for an email from Amazon. It was like a surprise inside of a surprise, because they all won.Congratulations

No_Newzhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/03948217674898022349noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-9451434.post-27402621795506152772008-05-08T09:00:00.000-05:002008-05-08T09:03:29.648-05:00

I had no intentions of becoming the newer, cuter, Monty Hall. So how is it that I have more stuff to give away? Well as it turns out, the last contest was so well-received that an anonymous donor came to me and said, "Lois, you sexy hunk of love..." Okay, so maybe this person said, "I have an idea!"Unlike Monty, I will not have a goat hiding behind curtain number 1. The idea is to give away a

No_Newzhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/03948217674898022349noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-9451434.post-58504369789037826472008-04-28T17:43:00.002-05:002008-04-28T18:05:21.098-05:00

I'm going to have to check the pulse here at Home Fires. It seems somewhat dead around these parts. The MySpace version of this blog is kicking ass and taking names. And this one, not so much. I miss writing everyday but realize everyone can't be here to read everyday. This once a week-ish stuff is good for all of us, I believe. Is it time for this ol' blog to retire? I wouldn't want to give it

No_Newzhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/03948217674898022349noreply@blogger.com3tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-9451434.post-71741040512892971342008-04-13T14:32:00.003-05:002008-12-12T02:37:00.103-06:00

Last night was so incredibly fun. I wish I could have taken you all with me. But, lucky for you, I have the next best thing. Contest time, people!!! This time I am just going to whore out my blog and whoever brings me the most comments is going to win... a DVD of David Nickerson's comedy! But wait there's more... it's an autographed copy!!! It's been way too long since we've had a good contest.

No_Newzhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/03948217674898022349noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-9451434.post-59346905806723003482008-03-28T08:12:00.001-05:002008-04-03T07:25:30.903-05:00

"I thought you were laying dead in a ditch somewhere!" I know, I know, I'm slacking here. And no, I'm not laying dead anywhere. Trust me, if I do die an untimely death, my family will have a funeral service set up via live feed. Forgive me bloggers for I have sinned. It's been almost two weeks since my last post. Good gravy! Why do I feel so guilty when I don't blog? Speaking of Catholic guilt...

No_Newzhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/03948217674898022349noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-9451434.post-8310614650918089182008-03-17T07:22:00.001-05:002008-03-17T07:24:22.765-05:00

I spent the weekend at my in-law's in Missouri. It was a last minute unplanned visit, but it went really well. Normally I am not much a fan of anything unplanned. I need to know what is going on well in advance. I'm anal, what can you do? The worst part of the trip was accepting my son, Lane 1 driving us there. He has his learners permit. He and I have spent lots of hours practicing. I've taken

No_Newzhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/03948217674898022349noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-9451434.post-15361922090246100412008-03-08T08:25:00.006-06:002008-03-08T09:32:02.723-06:00

Everyone and their brother is now on the bandwagon with the Law of Attraction (LOA). Well hells bells, Oprah said so. Anyone who knows me well, knows I loved Oprah a long time ago. For me, her show "Jumped the Shark" when she was dieting and brought out a wagon of fat to symbolize her weight loss. I haven't watched her since. Sure I may be missing out on some really good stuff, but the reality is

No_Newzhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/03948217674898022349noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-9451434.post-53953514437103449092008-03-01T08:25:00.002-06:002008-03-01T08:30:16.629-06:00

Mr. Lane is a little bitch when it comes to town gossip. I swear he is worse than any woman I have ever come across. This local barber guy is in his 90s and always butchers the crap out of Mr. Lane’s hair. Hell, he butchers everyone’s hair. Hence, he is known in these parts as Bill the Butcher. Seriously, everyone in town calls him that.But everyone goes to Bill’s Butchery, I mean Barbershop.

No_Newzhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/03948217674898022349noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-9451434.post-2616763188078725712008-02-23T09:18:00.002-06:002008-02-23T20:01:16.768-06:00

Today is the third year anniversary of losing my dad, and I'm finally feeling acceptance. Weird, huh? I've always been a little slow, so this comes as no great shock to me. I was really lucky to have such a good guy in my life. This is not going to be some dead daddy day pitty party, so it's okay, keep reading. Acceptance takes the tears and turns them into smiles, flooded with good memories.When

No_Newzhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/03948217674898022349noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-9451434.post-24663363954574650012008-02-16T12:32:00.005-06:002008-02-16T19:13:55.855-06:00

We've only been in our new town for a year, which means, we are still learning of new places to shop and eat. We went to a Mexican restaurant a few nights ago for an early Valentine's Day family date. Yeah, because nothing says, "I love you!" quite like refried beans or its aftermath. The waitress seated us, and said, "You all havin' the buff-et (pronouncing the T) or ya need menus?" Trying not

No_Newzhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/03948217674898022349noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-9451434.post-19190082269946471132008-02-09T10:03:00.000-06:002008-02-09T10:04:23.125-06:00

Most of you know, Mr. Lane in a really good baker. I believe I've posted sexy kitchen pictures of him here before. Seriously, there isn't anything sexier to me than a man baking chocolate goodies. But I'm kind of waiting for him to tell me he is going into business making candles next. Mr. Lane has done so many things in his life and career. Make that careers. In our younger years, he job hopped

No_Newzhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/03948217674898022349noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-9451434.post-27520466572832389612008-02-02T07:29:00.000-06:002008-02-02T16:02:22.516-06:00

Hey you, you cute little blog buddy! How the hell are you? It's been so long. I know my last post was a bit whinish. Sorry I get caught up in thinking a little too often. Today is a brand spanking new day, and the only whining you will hear (read) will be from my sister Angie, providing she leaves a comment. Because today, my wonderful bunch of coconuts, I'm going to share one of the most

No_Newzhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/03948217674898022349noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-9451434.post-16642356292329185552008-01-26T08:56:00.000-06:002008-01-27T08:25:15.606-06:00

How's that for a title? It made you think, huh? Well it just so happens to be a song, like most blog titles of mine. So I am running with it and the devil. Sometimes, even Lois Lane likes it on the raunchy side. Here's a link to the song if you want to hear it for yourself.Seriously how can a closet Barry Manilow fan, a Fanilow if you will, enjoy such crap music like that? I have no clue. And

No_Newzhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/03948217674898022349noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-9451434.post-63113911493461881372008-01-22T09:40:00.001-06:002008-12-12T02:37:01.661-06:00

This weekend we really crapped out. We started pulling more things apart in this 80-plus year old house, only to decide it was too cold and we were too tired to finish. I guess that is how projects can overrun your house. We aren't that bad... yet.You can see in some of my latest photos here that random furniture seems scattered, which it really is, but it isn't something that can be remedied

No_Newzhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/03948217674898022349noreply@blogger.com1tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-9451434.post-2238223391098491532008-01-20T12:16:00.001-06:002008-12-12T02:37:01.773-06:00

What are you doing this doggone Sunday? We Lanes tore some more stuff up in the house and then decided it was too cold to finish. I'll be here if you need me.

No_Newzhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/03948217674898022349noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-9451434.post-12143820297421276222008-01-13T08:29:00.001-06:002008-12-12T02:37:03.497-06:00

Here we are, half of a month into the new year and I've yet to tell you guys about our Christmas. It was very redneck. Something was amiss. I don't know exactly what was wrong with us, but we just couldn't seem to get into the mood. Normally, I'm not into it but the rest of the Lanes can get me going. This time, no one was really up for all of the hoopla. We didn't go out to the tree farm this

No_Newzhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/03948217674898022349noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-9451434.post-76443831689356785162008-01-07T08:59:00.000-06:002008-12-12T02:37:03.992-06:00

Should the boy ever become despondent or think he isn't a handsome little devil, I'll show him all of those nice comments you guys left in the post below. Thank you for sympathizing with me. He is getting his driving permit tomorrow. It's a really exciting time for him, and a scary one for me. I am so not ready for this stage of the game. I know I said this isn't a pet blog and I would refrain

No_Newzhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/03948217674898022349noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-9451434.post-69946928313789892302007-12-19T09:14:00.000-06:002007-12-19T13:02:22.251-06:00

You ever see The Dog Whisperer? I friggin’ love that show. I loved it way before Daisy and Darla came into my life. Now I can actually apply what I learn… As Seen on TV. Sorry, I couldn’t resist. I’ve gotten the whole family into Cesar Milan’s show and all of his “chhh” ways. I use “shhh” and “No” just because that is what works for me. If you haven’t seen the show, here’s a mini description. If

No_Newzhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/03948217674898022349noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-9451434.post-15288932170393632522007-12-15T10:20:00.000-06:002008-12-12T02:37:05.451-06:00

Wordless weekend:DaisyDarla

No_Newzhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/03948217674898022349noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-9451434.post-74222958101848376662007-12-10T10:42:00.000-06:002007-12-10T10:43:34.154-06:00

Oh the in-laws. You know there isn’t much more than them to send me into a raging case of Turret’s Syndrome, right? Only, my mother in-law isn’t a fan of all that fuckery, so rather than cursing up a blue streak, I resorted to less colorful phrases during my bouts. Like, when I finally settled in after being up all night with the puppies, I simply asked, “For Heaven’s sake! Where in Sam Hill are

No_Newzhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/03948217674898022349noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-9451434.post-40817368978447068732007-12-06T08:43:00.000-06:002007-12-06T08:46:14.829-06:00

Have you seen Man Vs. Wild? If you have, you can jump ahead a couple of paragraphs. It’s a new program where a man is dumped off in the wilderness to fend for himself. He faces lots of obstacles along the way. In his survival, he must find his own sources of food and water. Why? I have no clue. I mean, it isn’t like any of his viewing audience is ever going to be in that situation or need to know

No_Newzhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/03948217674898022349noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-9451434.post-48933249400337509372007-11-30T08:48:00.001-06:002007-11-30T09:47:47.791-06:00

Now I remember why I stopped blogging every single day. No one had time to read my ramblings that often. But, even though there are very few comments from readers of my last post, I’m forging ahead with part two, because… damn it, I said I would. I was positive the weekend was going to suck. In my head, Kanye sang, “n- n- now th- that don't kill me, can only make me stronger.” I’m pretty ghetto,

No_Newzhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/03948217674898022349noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-9451434.post-4479660203726431582007-11-27T07:57:00.000-06:002007-11-27T08:26:57.568-06:00

Happy Thanksgiving late all y’all. Sorry I didn’t send my best wishes in the last post. I was a hopeful blogger before the holiday snuck by, only it didn’t turn out quite as I had planned.Thanksgiving wasn't a total train wreck, yay! I had this image of how fucked up things would be and guess what?!?! It wasn’t too bad. Our plans included going to my mom’s house. We were going to arrive early and

No_Newzhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/03948217674898022349noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-9451434.post-4136092132247720272007-11-17T16:47:00.001-06:002008-12-12T02:37:05.959-06:00

I’ve been hiding something from all of you for some time. My own mother doesn’t even know. I’ve hinted in her general direction, but just never could find the right words. I should have been honest because you have always stood right beside me in all of my decisions and insanity, as my family members have also. I don’t know why I’ve been so closed-lipped about this latest development in my life.

No_Newzhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/03948217674898022349noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-9451434.post-54952586146778930322007-11-12T08:14:00.000-06:002007-11-12T08:18:28.655-06:00

Sorry for being MIA again. Life gets crazy and busy and sometimes just plain stupid. I’m still without my laptop, which is the tiniest issue right now. My brother in-law Congo, Mary’s husband, had a heart attack. Actually, he had two. One was earlier in the week. He had to undergo angioplasty. He’ll be in the hospital for a few more days. They say he’ll be okay, but it’s still scary shit. Please

No_Newzhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/03948217674898022349noreply@blogger.com1tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-9451434.post-41865076699899842012007-10-28T07:13:00.000-05:002007-10-28T07:14:15.592-05:00

If you put a funnel down the front of your pants, bend your upper body backward, and balance a coin on your forehead, can you make that coin land in the funnel? Mr. Lane can. He’s amazingly patient and has great aim. Too bad me and the kids played another nasty little trick on him. What’s worse than that is I can’t get this family computer to talk to the video camera. I caught another practical

No_Newzhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/03948217674898022349noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-9451434.post-78604185091598787442007-10-21T10:48:00.000-05:002007-10-21T10:56:40.076-05:00

Damn it all. I had this nice long post for you and guess what? My computer pooped out. Well, the cord did. Now with no battery power, I am not able to access anything on my laptop. So here I am stuck using the family computer. Which, by the way, is a total piece of shit. Eventually I’ll buy a replacement cord and all will be right with the world. Eventually.I’ll do my best to recreate the madness

No_Newzhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/03948217674898022349noreply@blogger.com0