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Saturday, December 04, 2004

This Shelia Is No Fan Of The Crocodile Hunter

Steve Erwin, better known as the Crocodile Hunter, is my idea of television for men. I'm thinking maybe they might want to use that as the slogan. Much like cable TV has "Television For Women" on Lifetime, you know all of those sappy movies that make chicks cry, cable also has the Crocodile Hunter.

After seeing his show only a couple of times, I am certain it is a chest-thumping guy's guy show all the way.

Does anyone remember Jane Goodall? She was the lovely lady who dedicated her life to the study of chimpanzees. She would sit just observing the animals while taking notes. Occasionally she would interact with them but not until they first interacted with her. And her idea of interaction was smiling and not reaching out to them.

Steve Erwin is in a league of his own. He goes out and torments nature. He serves no good purpose to the animals that fall victim to his insanity.

Like a typical man, he can't just leave well enough alone.

Here is one of the scenarios I've witnessed from seeing the show. (Slight exaggeration may occur based on the amount of energy I have to exploit.)

Erwin, dressed in his khaki shorts and partly buttoned-up shirt takes a ride into the wild in some type of SUV. He parks it in an area where an animal mom is preparing to give birth. He gets out of his, we'll call it a Hummer, and walks up to a mother dingo.

While only a short distance away from the mom dingo's pushing and panting, he says, "Would ya look at the size of that momma. She's big as a grizzly. Dane-ja, dane-ja, dane-ja... she's enormous."

Fact is, she was the size of an average dingo, or in America, a medium sized dog.

He continued, "Get a load of those sharp choppas. Oh, wouldn't she like to get a bite of someone messin' 'round with one of those pups? Let's move in a bit closa, shall we?"

OK, here is how Erwin relates more to men when it comes to giving birth in the real world. Erwin, staring at the camera with a cringing look on his face says, "Crikey, that's gotta hurt."

Now, squatting less than a foot away from the mother dingo, hanging his head upside-down to look beneath her tail, he said, "Crikey...," he gasps for a breath of air, "That pup is wantin' out in a bad way. Ain't it amazin'? The little critta just popped out. Crikey, this is really something."

Thanks Crocodile Hunter. You have given us all a wonderful play-by-play and now I hope the mother dingo eats you!

Maybe one day I'll actually sit down and watch some of that "Television For Women". It can't get any worse than what I've already witnessed. But if it does, you have a pretty good chance of reading all about it right here!