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Friday, December 17, 2004

What Comes Around Goes Around

After I read all of the wonderful comments the great folks left for me yesterday, I felt a little bit of happiness come over me. First I thought, is it possible that I am related to these people in some way? Was my mom really separated at birth and these folks are the other side of the family? How else could so many strangers have mothers who are so much like mine?

It was a mystery, like one of those cool Unsolved Mysteries on TV, where people find family members they didn't know they had after 30 plus years. The coolness of that thought made me smile.

I took my happiness out and finally got some Christmas shopping started. (Yes, I am aware of the date, thank you very much.) My happiness was short lived. I found out not only were these cool people not related, I solved the mystery.

This "technology challenged" (See yesterday's post) role they play is nothing more than payback. Every store I visited, I saw the same thing over and over again. My answers were found in the checkout line.

Every mom who was accompanied by a child was dealing with the same thing.

"Mom. Mommy. Mom? Mommy? MOM!"
"Can I get a candy?"
"Because why?"
"Because I said so."
Seconds pass.
"Mom? Mommy?"
"But Mom. Pleeease?"
"No." (This is the part where the child's body became all flouncy and their faces grew pouty. Some were even able to well up some tears. It's also the part where I thought this would be a good birth control commercial.)

"Can I get a toy?"
Can I get gum?"
"I said no. Now knock it off!"
"I'm thirsty! Mom. Mom! Mom? Mommy?"
"Oh, look Mountain Dew, Mommy! Can I get a drink?"

Some of the kids at this point were standing in the cart stretching for the goods, hoping like hell their moms wouldn't see. Some of them were quick enough to toss their item in the cart unnoticed. (I gave those kids a thumbs up.)

Others, well... "You sit down right now before you crack your head open! Santa isn't going to bring you anything if you keep being so bad!"

One of the moms burst out in song. "He knows if you've been BAD or good..." (Oh that poor kid is going to grow up a little paranoid! But that didn't stop me from looking right at him, widening my eyes and nodding, while mouthing "He sees you." while his mom's back was turned.)

By now, many of the kids were reduced to tears or screaming. For a few lucky ones, the moms gave in buying what their little monsters asked for.

As I watched this brood of rotten, snot face kids, it hit me, like a ton of bricks on top of my head. I did that too! I bet we all did. I was a brat and now my mother is paying me back for all of the shit I put her through in the checkout line!

I doubt this payback is intentional. I think as children we wore down all of our moms good thinking abilities. My poor mom, I almost feel bad. Almost. Maybe she should have just caved into my checkout line demands, and today she could possibly figure out how to open a simple friggin' e-mail attachment.

My mother was infamous for saying, "What comes around goes around." I guess she wasn't kidding!