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Thursday, April 14, 2005

E.T. Phone Home

I can't help but think E.T. wants to get the fuck out of here. That poor alien. He gets blamed for everything that goes wrong lately. Most people would think I am pretty lucky to have E.T., the Extra Terrestrial, right here in my home, however, because of all the havoc he has caused, I'll be thrilled when his spaceship comes in. Hell, I'd be happy to send the kids and him off on a bicycling adventure beyond the moon at this point.

Are you having trouble following me today? You think I hit the crack pipe a little early, don't you? Fine, although the memories are not ones I wish to rehash, for you, I will.

My nephew Dino-Mike goes home this Saturday. We've had a great visit for the most part, and best of all, he didn't leave a loaf floating in the Jacuzzi... this time. (See I Am Not A Wimposaurus below).

Having a 5-year-old in the house changes everything. My kids now seem so old. During this visit with Dino-Mike, I realized the wild imagination has slowly slipped from each of my own children.

Before yesterday, Dino-Mike never saw the movie E.T. The video jacket caught his attention and he asked to watch. I warned him that the movie was pretty sad, in fact I gave him a spoiler in hopes that he wouldn't bawl like I did seeing the movie for the very first time.

"You sure you want to watch this little man?"
"Yeah Auntie Lois. I want to see the alien."
"But the movie is sad."
"No it's not."
"Yes it is. Really."
"No it's not."
"Buddy, trust me when I say, it is. Okay?"
"No it's not Auntie Lois."

Choosing not to fight with a 5-year-old, for fear of losing, I popped the tape in and pressed play.

"Okay, Dino-Mike, it's all yours, but I want you to know that E.T. that little alien dude almost dies and it was really sad to me when I was a kid."
"Haha! You weren't a kid Auntie Lois! Haha! You're nothin' but a grownup."

I had no idea how great E.T.'s powers were. I guess he jumped through the TV and into my house, or so Dino-Mike said. And ever since that moment of E.T.'s arrival, all sorts of hell has broken loose.

When I saw Dino-Mike, grab Guido the 17-year-old cat around his old sore hips, making him cry, I said, "Hey, dude, you can be doing that, you're gonna hurt that old cat."
He not only blamed E.T., he also yelled at E.T. and told him to use his magic finger to make Guido better. E.T. placed his magic finger right in Guido's eye and in a very squeaky alien-like voice said, "Guuuidooo, ouuuchhh!"

Later in the day E.T. was at it again. "Dino-Mike, you need to eat your green beans so you can get big and strong."
"I can't eat them," Dino-Mike said. "E.T. said they were icky."
"Tell E.T. it isn't nice to say that."
E.T. said, "Auntie Lois, Dino-Mike can't eat those. He will get sick and puke."
"Okay, E.T. you eat them! And tell Dino-Mike he can go play."
E.T. said, "Aliens can't eat green beans. Green beans are poison to aliens."
"E.T., are you saying you want to go play with Dino-Mike and not eat your vegetables?"
"Yup!" He sounded much more like Dino-Mike than E.T. but when I called him Dino-Mike, he corrected me.

Same thing happened when it was time to clean up the huge toy mess. Dino-Mike claimed E.T. did it and when I told E.T. to clean up his mess, Dino-Mike informed me that E.T. phoned home and was no longer with us.

E.T. did make a come back late last night when Dino-Mike was taking a bath. He poured water all over the bathroom floor, began peeing a fountain from the bathtub to the toilet (missing slightly) and he dropped the bottle of shampoo over, smearing what spilled. Even though I was right there and never once for a second caught a glimpse of E.T., Dino-Mike swears it was all E.T.

Although I am going to miss him, I'll be glad to see E.T. leave the building for good.

Dino-Mike, however, I'm going to miss a whole bunch. I love his imagination, his personality, his smile, his giggle, his sense of humor, his voice, the funny phrases he comes up with and the good memories of my sister he brings each time he visits.

I really, with all of my heart, hope Heaven has a window where my sister can look down upon her amazing little boy and enjoy him as much as I do.