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Wednesday, March 30, 2005

Mother Of All Miracles

I’m sorry I didn’t post yesterday. I was smack-dab in the midst of witnessing a miracle. Something wonderful happened and I was there. I saw it unfold before my very eyes. My mother came back from the depths of what can only be described as grandmother insanity.

For 21 years she has just not been the same. It all started when my nephew “Yoda” was born. No, that’s not his real name, but I can’t say he didn’t look a little like Yoda with his wrinkled, mashed face and his ridiculously pointy ears and when he ate too much, he even had a slight green tint to his skin. Thankfully he’s outgrown most of that.

Anyhow, Yoda changed my mother. Suddenly, she wasn’t the evil “No! Stop! Don’t! Leave that alone! Don’t touch anything!” shouting woman. She grew a soft spot in her little heart of stone when she became a grandmother.

Yesterday, she was just like the mean old witch that I grew up with and holy shit that was the best sight ever. She actually yelled at her precious grandchildren! This woman, who has been letting them walk all over her for years, made a transformation.

I could barely contain my excitement as she told mine and Angie’s kids, “Don’t touch the walls! It’s flat paint and it’s hard to clean! Don’t touch my plant, you’ll kill it! Who got woodchips all over the bathroom floor? Take your shoes off! You kids can’t be tracking dirt all over this carpet! Why don’t you guys go outside for a while?”

It was music to my ears. For the past 21 years she has been allowing her grandchildren to do, say and eat whatever they want. They were practically getting away with murder. She didn’t think twice about letting them have candy before a meal, something her own kids would never have been allowed to do. She didn’t think twice when she let the grandkids play ball in the living room, something her own kids would have been murdered for. She didn’t think twice about letting her grandchildren have soda. Soda, people! Her own kids didn’t get to have soda unless they snuck it while out with their friends. Soda was like alcohol for us, we really had to sneak it and don’t think she wouldn’t smell our breath when we got back home. Pure evil, I tell ya!

I can’t tell you how many times she has pulled rank on me with my kids, overruling me. But this new-old mom, oh man, she is a sight for sore eyes! I didn’t even know how much I missed this side of her. Soon my kids will realize that all of the stories I have told them about my mother, that horrible woman, were true and her evilness knows no bounds.

Once I get back home I’ll catch up with my comments and all of your blogs. Until then, wish me luck as I help Mom finish unpacking and moving the last few things out of the house.