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Tuesday, April 19, 2005

One Lump Or Two?

If you read my post Doggone Scary Scene, you know all about Ginger and the neighbor kid who took my mom for a drag. If you haven't already read that post, please scroll down for the whole story.

Now that my mother is healing, I feel comfortable about making fun of her. Sure it was a terrifying experience, one so bad, I can't even go back to reread my own post about that day for fear of seeing her in my mind again.

If she is ready to joke about it, I see a big green light for me to blog about some of the things that happened. Nothing tragic is funny while you are going through it, but as soon as wounds heal and your mind goes wandering, it's only a matter of time before parts of it become laughable.

She is still a little sore in her head, neck and back, but overall, she is doing much better. She is covered in peanut butter and jelly bruises. As time has tried to heal her injury, her bruising has spread, causing her to say, "That's all I need is for it to keep spreading so I can have black and blue tits."

It's amazing how the bruising has crept down her entire face and neck and is now heading for Mount Saggytits. Speaking of saggy tits, while in the emergency room with this woman, I helped the doctor remove her bloody clothing, which had been cut open by the paramedics. I also helped the doctor clean the blood off of her face, head, neck, arms, hands and hair. By the time she came around in the ER and knew she could go home if she could walk around without passing out or puking, she suddenly became shy.

The nurse handed her a scrub shirt and my mom said, "Lois, get out of here so I can get this shirt on."
"You're fucking kidding me right? Who do you think took the other shirt off of you? I already saw and took pictures of your tits and don't think I won't post them on my blog."

I left the room anyhow. I figured old girl done mentally scarred me enough for one day, making me realize just how saggy I may become in a few short years.

We talked a lot on the way back to her apartment and she didn't remember anything. It wasn't until she read my blog that she realized how traumatized I was. Growing up, I learned a good trait from my mom. Never freak out during a crisis. But like her, once it's said and done, a flood of emotions poor over me. She blabs on the phone to get it off of her chest, and I write.

The kid and a reliable witness never came forward, so Mom has been doing all she can to pay back the hood. She's admitted to getting off by freaking out all of her neighbors with her scary face. She walks around terrifying the neighborhood with her Quasimodo, "I'm not an animal" appearance.

I believe what comes around goes around, and whoever did this, will eventually have a go around of their own. All of those people who left her bloody in the road, not trying to stop her bleeding, or cover her to keep her from going into shock, or just be there to hold her hand so she was less frightened, they'll get theirs too. Paybacks are a bitch and so is my mama.

My 21 year-old nephew, Yoda, who lives with my mom, has been playing Dr. Feel Good. He is so damn cute. When we first brought her home, he had an ice pack ready for her. It was a little frozen football shaped ice pack that Mom uses when the grandkids are over bludgeoning each other. He couldn't coddle her enough if he tried. Last week, Yoda took her to the doctor for a follow-up. Because she was very self-conscious of how she looked going out into the real public, she told him she needed a hat or something. He set her up with Ray Charles cataract glasses and a bandana. She looked like an escapee from the nuthouse. So much for being concerned about how you look in public.

Over the phone the other day she told me she is proud of how the police have been keeping track of her complex.
So I said, "Well Ma, they are probably trying to catch another glimpse of you in all of your crazy nekkid sexiness."
"Oh yeah Ma, they had to make sure you had no other injuries and they wanted to be sure your titties were real."
"Oh No Lois! Please tell me the whole fucking neighborhood didn't see my tits."
"I'm lying. They cut your clothes off in the ambulance but man, I had you going!"

Lumpy told me to thank all of you for such kind words in the comments of the last post. You have no idea how much that meant to both of us.