Born To Be Wild

Tomorrow marks one week since we've been on the road. We left Colorado this morning. Turns out the Days Inn sucked donkey balls too. When I returned from our wet and wild adventure, I discovered there was no internet in our suite. I started out calm, really I did. Mr. Lane was sleeping and I had the kids showered, hair dried and settled into their beds when I noticed. I went to the lobby to find out what was going on with the internet.

"The wireless internet isn't working in my room. It worked fine while we were at the pool."

"You use computer here in lobby," the guy said in broken English.

"No. Your sign says you have internet in all of your rooms and there is none in my room. Is it broken?"

"You can use our computer when that guy done. You bring your own laptop to lobby, you could use too."

"I paid for internet in my room."

"You don't like it you leave right now."

"If my family wasn't settled into bed already, you bet I'd leave."

By the time I walked back to our room, my blood was boiling. It had already been a very long day and my patience were all used up. I couldn't sleep and decided to put the TV on, which is something I don't do often but it does help lull me when I can't sleep. Sure enough the fucking TV in the room wasn't working very well. The screen was dark so I tried adjusting the contrast, only to see a rainbow surrounding the picture. The fucking tube was going out but I wasn't going back to tell the prick at the counter. Mostly I feared for his life if I had to speak to him again.

In the morning, I couldn't get out of there fast enough. I sent Lane 1 to the lobby to grab all he could hold in doughnuts, bagels and anything else he and his sister wanted to pig out on. Normally, I only let them take one thing each. I threw my manners out the window for this prick.

Tuesday, Thursday and Saturday, we were able to get internet in our room. Actually, Thursday's internet was iffy because it didn't work the whole time. But every hotel we've gone to has advertised having it available in the rooms. I thought the first lying sack of shit hotel was a fluke but now, I see a pattern forming.

Tonight we pulled into an Econo Lodge in Hays, Kansas. Mr. Lane looked at me and said, "I'll make sure this one is good before I sign our lives away."

I smiled and said, "Good."

He's been patient when I haven't. Finally he's learned not to trust what they advertise and was going to ask. What a concept huh? My mom called to checkup on us as he exited the truck.

I bitched in her ear about the last few days and before I knew it, he was back.

He handed me the keys and I asked, "They got what we need, baby?"

And he said, "I told the guy 'If my wife can't get internet in our room, she is going to come down stairs and kick you right in the balls.'"

My husband is really getting to know me well on this trip.