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Friday, April 14, 2006

Oh, It Was 1980-Something

You all are as nutty as I am, and I couldn't love you more. Thank you all for your concern. You know you have real good friends when they offer genuine concern over such things. Anyhow, I drank about a gallon of green tea and I'm hoping it will indeed be a Good Friday.

Welcome to part seven of the Story of Us. This ongoing saga is about mine and my husband's early years. By popular demand, today's post will have one photo of a very big haired Lois Lane. No scrolling ahead of time people. There will be other 80s hair pictures of me later in the series, but first, I have to dig them out of the cedar chest and scan them.

When we last saw our young lovers-to-be, Lois was rockin' out at a party in her leather fringe jacket, acid-washed jeans and big hair. Mr. LaMe was getting ready to drive his drunk date home, with plans of returning to the party.

I'd accidentally fed his date a beer bong, which made her a bit tipsy, causing her to want to go home early. Mr. LaMe asked if he could come back after "ditching" her. I acted as if I could care a less if he came back.

He did come back, but it was nearly an hour later. I assumed he got a little sumpin' sumpin' from his date, so I pretended to not be watching for him and completely ignored the fact that he had come back and was walking toward me. I acted engrossed in the conversation around me. I could tell he was waiting for a break in the conversation.

When he finally got a word in edgewise, he was tugging on my jacket and said, "Lo, I totally need to talk to you."

He looked like something was wrong so I eased up a bit on the bitch routine. We walked away from my friends and he told me he spent the last hour getting lectured by his date's mom for bringing her home drunk. I really felt bad.

"Didn't you tell her it was me?"

"Hell no! I told her that I wasn't drinking or encouraging her to drink and stuff. But when I was like, 'Your daughter is old enough to know better,' she totally slapped me!"

He was sincerely appalled and it looked so fucking cute on him.

"Her mom slapped you? I'm really sorry you were put in the middle of that mess. I really wasn't trying to get her that drunk, and I really didn't want her to get in trouble. I especially didn't even think about you getting stuck in the crossfire. I am sorry. I was just..."

"You were trying to get me laid so I'd like leave you alone, weren't you?"

I looked at my shoes. "So hey, you want a beer?"

"You like totally have this evil kinda twinkle in your eyes and stuff. You know it?"

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Here I am with my cousin Benny in all of my 80s evilness. Notice the crimped hair, the acid washed mini skirt and the earring store and White Hen keys on a groovy pink spring chain around my hand. Benny was the good kid in the family who kept me grounded and amazingly enough, he never laughed at my hair that made us the same height.

Mr. LaMe and I spent the rest of the night hanging out and talking about his life in California. He sounded like he really loved that place, which made me realize he might want to go back there someday. The teenage heart is easily broken and I wanted no part of that. I decided I wouldn't get too attached, just incase.

One of my friends interrupted to ask if I would pierce her ears, without her mother's permission, at the store where I worked in the mall. I had no idea he would retain any of the information discussed, let alone, show up at my job a few days later.

I was right in the middle of inventory when he, unbeknownst to me, walked into the earring store. I had my back to the door and was wrapped up in what I was doing. He disguised his voice into a very rugged-biker kind of a way and said, "Excuse me? Do you pierce scrotum?" The next thing I heard was the sound of his zipper.

It was one of those moments where you want to crawl into a hole and die. I hesitantly turned around to say, "We just don't do that sort of thing here," and I saw his stupid face smiling ear-to-ear. He knew he got me.

"Oh my god! You are such a total jerkoff! I can't tell you how happy I am that it wasn't a real customer asking. Close your pants! Oh my god!"

In honor of Easter, I have to share the best Peeps link on the net. Since Peeps are always born as conjoined quintuplets, scientists used modern medicine to attempt a miracle separation. Amazing what some people will do when they have free time. Make sure you checkout each of the phases of the separation procedure.

Happy Easter!