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Wednesday, April 05, 2006

Only The Strong Survive

Does anyone remember The Tubes? Their songs have been stuck in my head lately.

I've been downright neglectful in the land of blog. My in-laws are still here, so I recon I'll blame them. After I explained what a blog is my mother in-law wanted me to give her the link to Home Fires. Although, I really wouldn't mind her reading, she isn't bad word friendly. I'm pretty sure all of the fucks I toss out around here could possibly make her head spin.

Since their visit, I have been on my very best behavior. No bad words have passed my lips without an immediate, "Ooops, sorry." It's just that bad words are part of my native tongue. Thankfully, she doesn't get offended when I slipup.

A few nights ago we went out to dinner. We had to take two cars because we couldn't all cram into one. My mother in-law was driving her 300C and my old man was driving my 300M. That woman blew my "new" car away with hers. On our way back, I rode with her, as did the kids.

She hasn't gotten used to her satellite radio and was just kind of flipping through the stations. Right before making a turn, she, unbeknownst to her, landed on the Playboy channel. She was concentrating so hard on following Mr. Lane, she wasn't listening as the kids and I heard, "anal tube."

Lane 1 and Lane 2 were dying with laughter. Wide-eyed, I looked at her and said, "Bad station. Um... change it?" She didn't know I was talking to her and still wasn't listening to the radio. She also wasn't changing the channel. The kids had tears pouring down their cheeks from laughing so hard, as I finally found to power button.

She looked at me kind of puzzled when the radio went off. I tried to explain over the roaring laughter in the back seat. She was rightfully mortified. When we got back to our house, the kids couldn't tell their dad and grandpa fast enough about the anal tube.

My mother in-law does have a sense of humor, so it wasn't a terrible thing that happened. She even told the kids, "I don't want either of you going to school telling your friends that Nana let you listen to Playboy radio... or taught you early about anal tubes."

That was the statement that sent me over the edge.

Since then, anal tube (whatever that is, and thanks but I don't want to know) has become the butt of every joke in my house.

Haiku Hullabaloo Entries:

1. With arms folded
she looks at the world defiant,
dares us not to laugh.

2. Spewing liquid through
nose is common practice when
reading Lois Lane.

3. she starts to moan soft
gentle breeze flows through window
ron jeremy scores

4. Lois Lane, super
Beauty, unsure of what's next.
But it sure looks good.

5. sunlit raindrops
prism fractured light
rainbow appears
dying snow
sun warmed earth
tender shoot erupts

6. Home girl of Home Fires
Deep blog brings joy and laughter
But wear your attends

7. Lois Lane makes me
laugh so hard I snort, much to
chagrin of others.

8. my pal Lois lane
songwriting partner supreme
don't take no possums!

9. Pee Wee likes to stroke
He did it at the movies
To prison he went!

10. Spitting up baby
And I say, "this is the life"
Poopy diapers RULE.

11. We entered this game.
Insanity, this I know.
Lois makes us nuts.

12. the end of the world
or was it the beginning?
i am tetsuo

13. Bowl me over with
a giggle or two because
I just read No Newz!

14. the devil knows code
evil programs he has made
will wright is satan

15. Lois Lane ROCKS ME
Her family life is odd...
And that is SO COOL!

16. the flesh it wiggles
her body rises and falls
*squirt!* i'm all done now

17. Pretty is Lo Lane
Opossums can't go near her tits
"Holla" at you girl

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Thanks to all of you who entered!