Party Like A Rock Star

The Lanes, also known on Facebook as the Twaters took our last family vacation with our kids. The next time we go anywhere, Lane 1 will be paying. Kidding, kind of. He is 18, all grown up and whatnot. Still a pain in the ass, then again, so is his father and he is 40!


We went to the Mall of America, visited some of my “creepy internet friends” who “weren’t that creepy after all.” We also went to a comedy show staring ANT and Jason Dudey. Good times. They really made my kid’s birthday one to remember…as did the drunk lady with the money stuck to her boobies?!?!


Hoooo boy! A picture can tell a story so let’s get this thing told…




The mall has a log ride and roller coasters.




It also has half-naked boy models? But that is only a fun sight to see if your mom makes you pose for a picture with him.




Here’s the kids. Yeah we have a couple extras, but they are just like family anyhow. (Lane 1’s girlfriend and Lane 2’s soul sister.)




There’s random characters everywhere in the mall.




But Bubba Gump was oddly adorable.




These two knuckle heads were my favorite characters.




The lovebirds kind of ditched us.




But that was okay because they were stuck with us at the hotel.




Lane 2 was on top of the world…well on the top floor of the hotel anyhow.

We arrived at the club following a really long day at a very big mall. First thing any of us wanted was food.




Lane 2 ordered chicken fingers but got dicken fingers instead. The ranch was a nice touch don’t you think?

That dicken strip made it’s way around the club and would have been sold on eBay had my daughter not been starving.




Her meal went well with Jason's act as he used the microphone as a prop.




We were sitting in front row and it didn’t take long before ANT was making fun of the name Twater. My family is seasoned for dealing with embarrassment, thanks to me. But I wasn’t sure how they would take it coming from someone else.




As you can see they were terribly upset. Bunch of attention whores! Of course when ANT mentioned this old blog during his act I became giddy as all hell.




The show was over after midnight. We were heading out when the manager of the bar stopped my son. As she explained what she wanted to do to him, I could hear him say, “What the fuck?!” without opening his mouth. If you look in the background you can see his sister and girlfriend were saying the same.




As she had another woman tear the dollars off of her chest with her teeth and drop them into my son’s lap, I heard him say, “Dude, Ma, help!” again without opening his mouth. Classic!

The insanity was more than that boy could take. Mr. Lane was pretty hammered so he thought it was great. I think he secretly wished it was his birthday!




When we left the club ANT and Jason invited us into their limo. ANT would probably kick my ass for posting this picture, but it is one of the few I took, and the only with him and any of us. Trust me, this doesn't do him justice, he is a good looking guy! I felt like I was infringing so I didn’t go camera happy.

In his drunken state, Mr. Lane asked ANT if he could rip his shirt off and hang out of the limo sunroof like Ke$ha. Thank Blog he was just kidding. Or was he?!

We were all tired after the show but I wanted to spend more time with my friends. So after the family was tucked in for the night, we partied like rock stars until 4 or 5 am. Okay, 4 or 5 is true, the rock star part, not really.




Except my friend Beck. She got a face full of Jason’s crotch when he got up to hug someone goodbye. I think I heard her say, “That is no tuna taco!!!!” without actually saying anything.

I don’t know why I took so few pictures of everything and everyone. I guess I was wrapped up in the weekend. I didn’t get one picture of me with any of my creepy internet friends and that is the only part I regret.

When we were all piled in Lydia and Angie’s hotel room, the phone rang. It reminded me of the old days when I’d be with friends at their house when their parents said not to have people over. They would call to check in on their kid and they would whisper yell at everyone to be quiet. Before Angie picked up the phone, she shhhhed us. It was someone looking for Katie. There wasn’t a Katie with us, but they said, “Well we have alcohol and are willing to share.” There I was with my “creepy internet friends" having a great time. But when a real life stranger wanted to come over I got a little creeped out. Turns out they were LA cops. Things sure are different when you’re a grownup and the cops show up at your party.

Doc and Lydia made the weekend possible. They are probably two of the nicest and most amazing creepy bitches I have ever met. Next to that weirdo Jungle Pussy Bush, of course. It was great getting to know all of you! Huge thanks to ANT and Jason too.

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Most importantly, here's some big ol' happy birthday wishes to my sistah, MeeMaw! She's 98 this year. :D Happy birthday! I love you!!