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Thursday, April 21, 2011

Seems like old times

The Lanes are gearing up for an eggciting Easter Sunday! The whole fam damily is coming over and I couldn’t be happier.

My mom used to plan parties at my house and clue me in days before the blessed event. I haven’t had the family over since the last time she did that to me. Anita has taken over Mom’s role in that aspect. At least she gave me plenty of warning.

The family hasn’t been the same in the last year, but the love has grown. I didn’t think that was possible. These are the same people who attempted to assassinate me every time I tattled…which was pert-near every damn day of my young life. But every last one of those fuckers would have also killed for me if anyone should mess with the baby.

I see that same love/hate relationship with my own kids. They are the best of friends and worst enemies.

A couple of nights ago, they were watching Family Guy together. I could hear them laughing and chatting each other up. Just about the time I thought how cute they were, Lane 1 said, “If you were a character from Family Guy, which one would you be? Probably Meg because you're ugly and no one likes you…”

Hearing a groan from her and a chuckle from him, I shook my head just as he added, “Nah, Mom would be Meg."

That’s all it took and they were laughing together and best buddies again.

Mr. Lane has been absent more than usual, which means I have become the butt of every joke around here. Initially, I felt bad for all the years of abuse we have dished out to that poor bastard. But I’m over it. He clearly deserves it more than I do.

Things here have been stressful as I pound the pavement again to drum up more freelance work. I do not miss the 9 to 5 imprisonment of the daily newspaper, however. So, like 80,000 or so other people, I’ve been watching the eagle cam as a way to soothe my savage beast. It’s just one more thing the kids make fun of me about.

It is so relaxing, listening to the birds and watching the mom and dad eagle care for the three little hatchlings, who incidentally are cute as shit right now! One is kind of a brat. He pecks the others in the head every time they try to look around. He’s my favorite.

As much as I enjoy them, I know not to spend too much time watching them while my own brats are around, a lesson learned the hard way.

“Awww, look at that baby! He just aimed his ass out of the nest and shot shit through the air! Isn’t that cute?!” Lane 2 said. “I bet Mom tries that when she’s home alone.”

“Ya know, Sis, I was watching the eagles today at work, and I saw mom's car pull up in the distance,” Lane 2 could barely contain herself as her brother weaved a tale of lies. “Anyhow, she was pouring peanuts all over her body and trying to get the eagles to eat them out of her ass.”

You can imagine why I’ve become a closet eagle watcher.

I wish I could install a spy cam for you all to watch the madness unfold as 25 or so Lanes gather in our humble abode this Sunday. I’ll make sure to take some photos and notes to share. Until then, I hope you all have a happy Easter!