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Tuesday, December 21, 2004

Mourning Season

People, you can send your condolences to me at or below in the handy dandy comments section.

You may be thinking, "Lois, what's wrong? Did your pet hamster stinky kick the bucket? I knew something was wrong with you when you didn't post this morning."

In a word, no. Stinky, my fictitious pet from my childhood, is much more alive than I am today. In my warped little mind anyhow.

Does anyone know what today is? Since I hear no guesses, not even from the voices in my head, I'll tell you. Today marks the first day of a two-weeklong vacation for my children from school. Sappy, sappy, crappy, love my kids and all the blah, blah, blah but shit people, two weeks?! It seems a bit excessive no?

When you take a child out of their routine, school, for example, they get all spazzy and act up. If you add the excitement of presents and a fat, toy toting bastard from the North Pole, it is only intensified.

The schools plan this out precisely. They know how out of control children get when the holidays are coming, which is why they get rid of them early. There's still a few days left people! How dare they do this to me and my peaceful afternoons? There is absolutely no reason to pawn my own children off on me during their worst behavior time of the year! I could roll myself into fetal position right now and rock feverishly back and forth crying, in a very Nancy Kerrigan way, "Why? Why? Why me?"

Don't give me any crap about these children being mine, or tell me I should enjoy every minute of this break and do special things with my wonderful children. Because that's a load of crap. Fact is they don't even act like themselves during this time of year. Have you ever seen Rosemary's Baby? Yeah, well, that's more like it.

Christmas break is the reason animals eat their young. And boy, oh boy, am I famished!

P.S. I will continue my attempt of posting everyday. I may be quick enough to beat them out of bed in the morning but if not, look for me when Sponge Bob is on. (Sponge Bob, a post for another day!)