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Friday, August 19, 2005


Ulterior motives prompted our loving son, Lane 1, to set the stage for romance during our little getaway. Mr. Lane was sure the boy only set candles around the whirlpool tub so he could play with fire. It was a good theory, and for a while, we went with that.

My husband and I had some good quality time... scrubbing each other's backs. But like all good things, it came to an end. We got out of the tub and started drying and getting dressed. Mr. Lane blew the candles out. Instead of waiting for the wax to cool, he picked them up from the edge of the tub. One slipped out of his hand and landed in the tub. The lodge just opened in May. The whirlpool tub is brand spanking new. It was now coated with green wax.

Trying not to laugh at the old man, I said, "You know babe, I'm really not into that candle wax stuff."

By the time we cleaned the wax off of the tub, we were exhausted. We went down stairs to see what my mom and the kids were doing. Lane 1 actually thought we would let him go swimming again. He was buttering us up by setting up our romantic interlude so we would cave into his demands.

"Son, you were swimming all day. You'll be swimming all day tomorrow, and the next day. It's already 9 o'clock. The pool closes in an hour."

"I know Mom. I really want to go back."

"Sorry bud."

Lane 2 chimed in, "Boy, he's ungrateful."

"No I'm not!"

The argument was over before it really began. There is nothing either of my kids hate being called more than ungrateful.

In the morning the kids were up early. Lane 1 showered and ate as fast as possible and then asked to go swimming again. I told him I really didn't want him there without an adult.

Yes, he is 13 and by law he can be left unattended for a while, but that is not the point. Yes, he is a strong swimmer, but I am his mom and still worry. I know they have lifeguards there, but they are probably only a year or two older than my son.

That's sort of how the argument with my mother went. She thought it was perfectly fine for him to go without one of us to supervise him. Mr. Lane agreed. Lane 2 really wanted to get rid of her brother, making it unanimous. I was outvoted!

Lane 1 called the office and asked for a shuttle bus to pick him up. Yes, we really were that far away from the main entrance. Watching him step onto that shuttle was a giant leap for me. Yes, I hover. Yes, I am overbearing. Yes, I treat him like a baby. But, I did let him go.

When it was well beyond lunchtime, and there was still no sign of the boy, I decided to go fetch him. I'd been nervously waiting for everyone to get ready to go swimming. I felt such a strong urge to check up on him. Lane 2 was finally ready to go swimming, so at least I had a cover and didn't look like I was just checking up on him, heaven forbid.

The upper level of the lobby has windows that overlook the pool area. I went there first. No, I wasn't spying on him. I was simply looking for him in a sea of people. I spotted him right away. In the hot tub. Girl on either side. Three boys sitting across from him.

My little boy. He's a social butterfly. He can't help it if girls find him attractive. Of course the little shit was going around telling all of the chicks that he was staying in a villa. (If you have been following this vacation series, you will know that we ended up with a villa by default. Dumb luck, if you will. We paid $170 per night, not $400. Because of a computer glitch, we were livin' large.)

I quickly went down stairs to the swimming pool to get those sluts away from my baby boy. I casually strolled down stairs to go swimming.

"Oh, hi son. These your new friends?"

He rolled his eyes at me. "Mom, this is Trina and Samantha, Brad, Mike and Drey."

"Hi. Good to meet you. Son, are you hungry yet? I brought you some money for the snack bar."

"Yeah, cool Ma, thanks."

I tried walking to the snack bar with him but he picked up all sorts of momentum. Until... "Bobby. Bobby!"

He turned to look at me to see who I was talking to. "Bobby Boucher, those girls are the devil!"

"Oh my God Mom! I wasn't doing anything."

"So you expect me to believe you were sitting in the hot tub with two girls just enjoying the fine quality H2O?"

"Haha. Yeah, that's it. You should have seen Alexis. She was hot. She had to checkout already though. She is a junior."

"What would a junior want with a 13 year old boy? Oh, gross, never mind!"

"Samantha is a junior too and Trina's 15. They want to know if they can come over and checkout our villa."

"Ha! No. Commoners in our villa? Puh-lease! Do they know how old you are?"

"I don't know. Besides, Ma, age doesn't matter. Look at you and dad. He's way older than you."

I had a feeling the boy was trying to butter my biscuit again. I asked him if he would be embarrassed to have me join him in the snack bar. He vowed that he could never be embarrassed of me.

"Riiight. Which is why you were practically running away from me. Right Bobby?"

We had a nice conversation about school and girls... and the devil, over our Dippin' Dots and nachos. I think he likes my concern, in a twisted little way. I also think he likes being called Bobby Boucher.

I walked him back over to the sluts his friends and told him he could find me by the water slides if he needed anything.

He smiled at me and said, "Don't worry Mama, I won't be playin' that foosball."