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Tuesday, September 26, 2006

Love Shack

We started again. I should say, Mr. Lane started again. He wants to move and he wants to move now. He is a real pain in the ass when he wants something. I feel like Yo-yo Lo, packing, unpacking, repacking, it’s been crazy. I’ve looked at more houses, in more towns, and researched more schools in the last few weeks, than normal people do in a lifetime. That would be one of the many reasons why I have been absent around these internets.

In this quest, I have learned that some words mean different things when dealing with the real estate world as opposed to the real world. Should you ever find yourself in my predicament, please feel free to use the following to guide you toward what you are really looking for.

Cozy: Can be either small or simply cramped

Cute: also means small or cramped

Handyman's Dream: can not pass any or all city codes

Partially Finished Basement: they pulled out the carpet and painted the concrete floor following the flood

Bright Cheerful Home: the sun is going to bake your ass all day long and the window treatments are not staying for the new home owner

Three bedrooms Plus Bonus Den: three bedrooms and a large closet that used to have a door, but is now your den

On A Quiet Street: next door to a cemetery, at least your neighbors really are quiet

Country Living at its Best: out in the middle of nowhere. Good luck finding groceries. By the way, home schooling is encouraged because we cain’t find the school

We have also come up with our own names for places we viewed. They include, the dog (shit) house, the snake shack, the mold abode, rickety railing residence, steep step structure, duck or lose your head midget dwelling. You get the gist.

I think most of those names are self-explanatory. However, when we entered the snake shack, besides taking in the odorific stench of snake breeding, we decided the movie “Snakes on a Plane” would have a sequel, and the owners of this home were making the movie magic right in their living room.

Mr. Lane said to our real estate agent, “Get these mutha fuckin’ snakes out this mutha fuckin’ house!” Thankfully, she happens to be a friend of ours and expects the unexpected.

We are making the most out of this search no matter how painful it has been. I’ll be out hunting some more today. Wish me luck.

As an aside, Mr. Lane was not just being nice when he flipped that other driver the thumb, as reported in yesterday’s blog. He really was just that flabbergasted that he forgot which finger meant he was angry.