The Blame Game

Today friends we are blaming society, Mr. Lane, my warped mind, and my friend Stacie for the events you are about to read. Life is a funny little place. Stuff happens all around us, but if we are too busy taking life and ourselves too seriously, we are going to miss out on some healthy laughter. Stacie wrote a post recently that struck this memory.

I dragged Mr. Lane to the store, which is a huge chore. He hates to grocery shop with me, but because we were out of everything, I was going to need someone really strong to push the cart. The kids were wandering around asking for this that and the other thing. I wonder if kids ever outgrow that. I was going as fast as I could, gathering the items on my list. It was like Supermarket Sweep and I was totally winning. A few steps behind me was my old man. He had that, “I hate you and don’t want to be here.” look.

Finally making it to the end of the store, we headed to the checkout counter. Mr. Lane loaded the conveyor belt, so I can not be blamed for what happened next. The cashier scanned my One A Day “All Day Energy” vitamins, immediately followed by a 12 pack of condoms. I laughed so hard spit flew out of my mouth.

Holding both items shoulder height, as if to say, “What?” the cashier gave me a strange look. Mr. Lane was also giving me the hairy eyeball. All I could do was point at the items and cackle. I had to hold onto my stomach to keep my guts from flying out of my bellybutton hole, I was laughing so hard.

Unfortunately, the kids caught onto the joke before Mr. Lane and the cashier, who by the way, was still holding the party pack of condoms and the “go all day” vitamins up in the air. By the time they caught on, the kids and I were roaring and had tears running down our cheeks. Good times.