She’s Still Preoccupied With 1985
It’s true, I am lost in the 80s. Seems it’s been weeks since I’ve listened to any other genre of music. I go through phases, I guess, but this one is driving my kids batty. They have dubbed the title “
The Bowling for Soup “
Lois just hit the wall
She never had it all
One pot of coffee a day (okay two, shutup)
Husbands a P.I.T.A. (pain in the ass)
Her dreams went out the door
When she turned twenty four
Only been with one man (unless we mention the Italian, ahhh… a-hem)
What happen to her plan?
She was gonna be a writer
She was gonna be a star
She was gonna shake her ass
On the hood of White Snake's car
Her red 300M, is now like a mini-van
Looks at her average life
And nothing, has been, alright
Since Bruce Springstein, Madonna
Way before Nirvana
There was U2, and Blondie
And music still on MTV
Her two kids, in high school
They tell her that she's uncool
But she still preoccupied
With 19, 19, 1985
She's seen all the classics
She knows every line
Breakfast Club, Pretty in Pink
Even Saint Elmo's Fire (Angie and I used to recite the entire script of these)
She rocked out to Wham
Not a big Limp Biscuit fan (maybe because I married a limp… never mind)
Thought she'd get a hand
On a member of Duran Duran (actually my sister Angie was hot for the double D guys, it was Lars Ulrich of Metallica who really pumped my nads)
Where's the mini-skirt made of snake skin
And who's the other guy singing in Van Halen
When did reality, become T.V.
What ever happen to sitcoms, game shows
On the radio was
She hates time, make it stop
When did Motley Crue become classic rock? (talk about making me feel older than dirt!)
And when did Ozzy become an actor? (no, seriously, WTF was up with that?)
Please make this stop!
And bring back
So you can see the song fits me well. This is the part about aging that blows. You listen to the music that you grew up with and feel vibrant and young, until some rotten little brat-faced kid comes along and bursts your bubble. Stupid kids.
The obsession isn’t just the 80s this week, it’s Arena Rock! Can you feel the excitement in my typing, people?! Arena Rock is what gave the 80s big hair and ozone killing hairspray! There was Whitesnake, White Lion, Van Halen, Van Morrison, Sammy Hagar, Samantha Fox, Metallica, Megadeath, oh God, someone stop me! I feel like putting on a mini skirt and going to a concert armed with a lighter. Speaking of which, how is it that we didn’t all combust with all the hairspray while lighting our lighters at those concerts?
So yesterday as I was all kinds of rockeriffic and the kids were giving me shit, I said something that almost made me cool. Almost.
“The Tonight Show is going to start airing the correspondent audition tapes tonight.”
“Dude, Ma! Are you going to be on?”
“I don’t know yet.”
“That would be so cool!”
“Can we stay up and watch it?”
Oh, now it was all making sense. My limited offer on being cool was a ploy to stay up late. These kids aren’t stupid after all. They’ve got my number. So I said, no. Suddenly that hint of cool oozed away from my grip.
The first thing they asked when they woke up, “Were you on TV last night?” They both had a hint of excitement in their voices and a twinkle in their eyes. It was almost as if my potential coolness was making a comeback. Dude, the band’s getting back together!
“No I wasn’t on,” I said as I washed down a cup of coffee with some “poison running through my veins” because Alice Cooper was rocking my little music channel. They both gave me that uncool look again and headed off to get ready for school.
I have no idea when or if the tape will air, but I know one thing for sure. I am going to milk moments of coolness from both of them every single day for as long as possible.
The one thing I didn’t tell the kids is that they are airing the worst of the audition tapes tonight. If mine airs, I’m never going to live it down and I shall remain uncool for eternity. Someone get me a can of Aquanet to put on standby.