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Tuesday, October 18, 2011

Getting there is half the fun

Everybody Needs a Little Time Away…

…and lucky for me, my bestest ho allowed me to tagalong on her vacation to Hawaii. It’s nice having a friend who wants to take care of you, and even nicer when you can cut loose and let go.

Our first stop was to my sister in-law Deb’s. She was taking us to the airport at some ungodly hour. We were going to have a sleepover, but once we started playing with her treasures, not much sleeping was accomplished.

Deb has been attending a lot of auctions lately, which means, she is kind of like a hoarder, without all the trash and dead animals laying around. Wait a second…now that I think about it, I didn’t see her dog. Hmmm…

She first pulled out a giant sword that she wanted to give to Mr. Lane but said she feared he would, “Jizz in his pants,” which she decided would be wrong on too many levels. “I don’t think it’d be okay for a sister to make a brother cum in his pants, just sayin’.”

She has everything from cupie dolls, creepy guys, and handmade Indian people to Jesus with a heart-on trinkets.

Anyhow, we played with some of Deb’s new toys.

Here’s Jodi trying on an old pair of glasses, a smoking pipe and a jewelrific spider bracelet.

Here she and I are powdering our noses.

I decided it best to stay awake all night and hoped to catch a few moments of shut-eye on the plane.

But, as we geared up to go, adrenaline raced through my body and there was no rest for this wicked bitch. In Chicago heading out, Jodi and I were stoked.

That is until we reached airport security. I get that since our country was attacked we can’t be too careful. I understand taking off your shoes and dealing with the odor of other’s unwashed stank, but fuck.

How is it possible that she and I can make it through TSA without so much as a pat-down? My hope of an early morning cheap thrill was but a fantasy. I thought aloud, “What’s a girl gotta do to get groped in this place?” Random TSA guy just offered up a hands-free giggle.

With our cheap thrills unachieved, we boarded the plane.

As I entered, I looked left into the cockpit. When I made eye contact with Pilot Mike… I asked if Jodi could come in to have her picture taken. I refrained from asking if I could sit on his lap, however.

He happily allowed her into his space.

After we took our seats in coach, and reflected on the kindness of both the pilot and copilot, the stewardess walked over to us and said we have been upgraded to first class, courtesy of Pilot Mike.

Hot damn! Flirty and friendly prevails, and Jodi and I were batting a thousand ‘cept for the grope fail earlier with TSA.

Immediately we knew it was going to be a great vacation.

Sitting in first class, we were surrounded by all of the stewardesses and stewards who were all chatting us up.

“Party in Aisle One.”

“Attitude Adjustment in Aisle Two,” was called after the guy sitting behind us was offended by our great time, laughing. Whatever, dude.

Maybe he was pissed that two common street whores got better seats at no extra cost than he did. Maybe he should have showed a little more leg or perhaps been less of a prick.

As the crowd dispersed, our steward said, “You two are lucky. You should play the Lotto.”

Jodi said, “Already did!”

“Well, cross your fingers!”

I said, “I’ll cross my legs, but come 5 o’clock, I can’t make any promises.”

As he took his laughter to his seat preparing for takeoff, Jodi said, “I’ll cross my boobs.”

She and I were giggling like two school girls, when the steward’s head peeked around the corner and he asked, “Did you say what I think you said?”

The three of us busted out in laughter again, as I’m pretty sure the guy behind plotted our murders.

During the flight, Pilot Mike had my camera and so graciously took pictures from the cockpit.

One of the Earth below.

One of his copilot.

And one of himself. (Wonder how many impure thoughts Jodi has had to this one.)

As we exited the plane, we just had to make a pit stop to thank our gracious pilot and copilot who happily allowed us into their cockpit again.

We finally arrived in Phoenix on no sleep. While we spent four hours waiting for our second flight to Oahu, we visited with Zona. She and her hubby took the long drive to the airport to keep us company, or to keep us out of trouble.

She is an amazing woman, and her old man ain’t so bad either.

We walked around, had coffee, ate and...some of us tried hitching a ride.

Some of us also threatened to fly ourselves there on our own personal high.

Thank God for second winds because we managed to stay up for two days…or was it six days? Who’s counting?!