Love Hurts

Accidental abuse is not just for kids. Lane 1 and Lane 2 have been taking turns inflicting pain on me for nearly as long as they have been alive. Here's a small handful of those lovely memories in no particular order.

Lane 2 got her first tooth at the ripe old age of three months old, which is really early. Because I was breastfeeding, I was the first to notice her pearly white. A lesson for the child that day was, "Do not bite the boob that feeds you!" Imagine if you will, the feeling of an itty bitty razor sharp tooth piercing your nipple. The lesson for me that day, "Band-Aids do not stick well to milky and bloody nipples."

Just last week, Lane 1 and I were fighting over the remote control (which you will learn is a common thing around here). He tucked the remote under his belly and rolled over on top of it on his bed. I pounced him like a cat trying to catch a mouse. I tickle tortured him but the brat just wouldn't give it up. I bit his ear and he flung back with his head, busting my lip open and making contact with the cartilage in my nose. I quietly got off of him, and walked into the kitchen for some ice. I could feel the blood running down my chin. This was one of those "see stars" moments. Both kids came running after me and their little eyeballs bugged out when they saw the blood. At first they had that "I really want to laugh." look and then, they saw the blood. My son, big, tough 5'3", 100 pound lug started crying and repeating, "Mom, oh my God. I am sooooo sorry! Are you okay?" I had no choice but to ham that one up. As I fake cried into the washcloth with all eyes on me, I busted into hysterical laughter.

About a year ago we were having a typical fight over the remote control. This time it was between me and Lane 2. (Just a little background on her, she is shy, quiet, smart as heck and a fairly sensitive person. She loves to goof around but is quick to stop if I tell her to. Unlike her rowdy brother who pushes his limits almost every time.) I reached for the remote, she pulled it away. She ran to the far end of her room but cornered herself. I thought, "Haha, I got you now my little freak!" But then something went terribly wrong... for me anyhow. She swung her body around to turn her back on me, as she clenched the remote tightly in her mitts, batting me in the mouth with it. Like a star hitter, POW, right into my mouth. One of my bottom teeth went straight through my lip. Even though it hurt like crazy, I had to squeeze blood out of my lip for effect, but hey, I do what needs doing around here. She was mortified. I'd say we are almost even for the last post.