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Wednesday, February 09, 2005

Kindergarten Krush: Fourscore And 27 Years Ago...

First time here? Scroll down for part one, two and three.

He was so cute standing there completely unaware of the fact that he was under my father's surveillance. I had my eye on him too and his pocket. The construction paper heart was gone.

"Or maybe it was the other pocket. Crap. Okay, think. Which sleeve of his coat touches my sleeve in the coat room? That's the pocket, his right one. (Turns body to decipher left from right.) It is gone!"

I walked closer to listen for admirer type conversations. I had to know if he knew it was me. Typical of boys they were talking about farts and poop. I walked over to my friends who happened to be talking about candy grams. I listened as each confessed to sneaking a bag of yummy goodness to a boy they liked.

"What?! Nancy gave John Anthony a candy gram??? What a slut!" (Okay, so I didn't think 'slut' at the age of five, but I do remember thinking bad things about her.)

It was time to ask some serious questions. "Does he know it was you or did you sneak it to him?"
"He caught me trying to put it in his desk after school yesterday. I went back in our classroom and thought I was by myself but he walked in."
"I bet he will get me one today."

My heart was being smashed to smithereens. I knew Nancy and John Anthony went to preschool together and were longtime friends. It was a bond I didn't know if I would be able to break through.

"I think I am going to puke."

The bell rang and we lined up. I was stuck next to Michael Powells. I was too sad to try to budge my way to John Anthony's side.

Over the morning announcements, the president of the student council reminded us that it was the last day to buy candy grams. I was happy it was nearly over. This love stuff was exhausting. Throughout the day various classmates "found" candy grams with their names written on them. I really wanted one but so far, nothing. Just me and four other kids in class were candy gramless.

"There's still one more day. I might get one. I hope I get one. I think I am going to puke."

The day was shaping up to be a real bummer. At lunchtime I saw a couple of John Anthony's friends buying candy grams. I wondered why he wasn't buying any, I mean, the little pig already got two. One of which was from a secret admirer. I thought maybe it was time to come clean and let him know it was me.

I walked over to his lunch table and said, "Hi." He just gave a half wave without looking at me and continued to eat his smelly tuna fish sandwich. Just the feeling of my heart sinking repeatedly and the smell of his stinky lunch, nearly sent me to the porcelain school of tough love.

I walked back to my lunch table just in time for the bell to ring. When we got back into our classroom, I couldn't believe my eyes. There, on my desk, was a whole bunch of candy grams! I looked all around the room. My desk was the only one covered in candy grams.

Were my eyes playing tricks on me? Did I mistake that desk for mine and it was really someone else's? Was I about to puke on the classroom floor and make the janitor bring in the sawdust? Would I forever be known as the sawdust kid who puked?

Stay tuned, part five coming soon. Thanks for the well wishes. You guys are some of the sweetest people I've never met! I will try to update soon.