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Monday, March 28, 2005

Avenging Angie

Well, I’ll have you know that not only did I kick her ass, I also gave her the Ex-Lax coated brownie, which I named Excalibur. (Some food names need no explanation.)

The fun began when Angie came into my house Easter Sunday, as I gave her a welcome, loving hug and accidentally stepped on her foot. Then, because her hair was in her eyes, I tried helping her move it, accidentally poking her in her hate-filled hazel eyes, while pulling her hair a little too hard. It was a two for one deal, kinda like the good old days when we played The Three Stooges, only this time, I was Moe, the smart one. I didn't forget to spill Kool-Aid on her favorite "I'm Britney's #1 Fan" t-shirt either by accidentally tripping on one of the kids crossing my path, while my hands were full. I also made her forget her sunglasses on my refrigerator. Oh, Angie, if you happen to be reading this, I sure hope you are having yourself a very Brady Sunshine Day!

I worked hard at the Etch-A-Sketch vendetta (See "Eggcellent Artist Plots Revenge" below.) only she was too dumb to notice I was totally kicking her ass. She thought I was just having an extra clumsy day. Silly, silly girl!

You guys should have seen her skipping rope on my deck. Now that right there was funny! About a hundred years ago, she was dubbed the jump rope champion by one of our whacked out aunts after some gay little contest she participated in. She went outside to "show the girls how it's done." My nieces ducked for cover as their aunt whipped the jump rope around like a rodeo clown loaded up on meth. And when the kids noticed Auntie Angie's gigantic boobs coming dangerously close to slapping her in the face they covered their eyes.

"You really could use a little support there sis, I mean, just so you don't blacken your eyes." I snickered.
"I have a sport's bra on!"
"Oh, well then, that explains the uni-boob you got going on today. And let me just say that when your tits join forces, I think they could qualify as a weapon of mass destruction."
"You're just jealous of my voluptuousness and my killer jump roping abilities. Why don't you go back into the kitchen and suck up a little more to Mom you brown-nosing baby?! 'Oh, Mommy, look, I made you macaroni.' Oh, and Lois, how does Mom's ass smell anyway?"
"I did not say that! I'm a lot of things, but suck up isn't one of them. And I'm damn thankful I don't possess your uni-boob voluptuousness."
"Sure, Lo, whatever you say."

The rest of the treatment my darling sister got for the day was not because of her destroying my art career, but for calling me a suck up.

I needed some new ammo and quick. As I put dessert on the table, it came to me. So today, I am totally kicking her ass some more, literally, even though we are 80 miles apart! Ex-Lax really is a bonding tool. As in bonding her dumb ass to the toilet seat.

Hey Ang, happy Easter, how's your keaster?


Just More Stuff

The rest of my lovely Easter tale can be found below, "What I Did During My Easter Break... by Lois Lane".

I am continually amazed at all of the nice people out here in blogland! There are 43 people, that I know of, who have me linked! And when I say know of, I mean, I never actually met in person but have become pals through our common blogging interest. You guys have no idea how much that blows my mind, not to mention makes me feel proud as hell as I go into my fourth month of blogging with more than 6,300 hits. To top it all off, Extreme Tracking tells me in the last two weeks, about 115 people from 18 different countries have visited this here blog.

Last week I found a couple more people who have me linked in their sidebars and you'll see them on my sidebar now. Also, for anyone who has me linked, if I don't have your link yet, please let me know and I'll add you too.

Lastly, I have my weekly one paragraph post up over at Random Picture... Random Story.