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Tuesday, March 22, 2005

Sharing My Time

I've decided today that I am a very selfish person. I really hate to share my time, which consists of anything after 8 p.m. until 6 a.m., the hours my kids are asleep. I love and adore my children people, so save the hate mail for some evildoer, like my mom, who probably passed the selfish gene down to me in the first place.

I usually make an effort to go to bed late and get up early to ensure I have plenty of time for me. I never really thought I did anything special during those times. I'd just chalked it up to quiet time without children. And while I valued that time, it took until today for me to really grasp the importance of that time.

Lane 1 joined track yesterday. Mostly, I think he did it because there's a bunch of girls on the team and if you read yesterday's post, you are well aware of his Studley Dudley spring like behavior. In order to get into shape and learn how to pace himself, he wanted me to wake him even earlier to go jogging.

When Lane 2 caught wind of this plan, she also wanted to "get into shape". You ever see a stick figure? Well, that's the current shape of Lane 2.

At 5 o'clock this morning, for the first time in years, my time was shared. Two bickering children at my sides, I shared my morning jog. Please hold your collective sympathies to the end. Thank you. I don't know exactly what it was they bickered about because I was trying to tune them out.

It's really hard to keep your pace when people are arguing on either side of you. I noticed the more annoyed I got, the faster I ran. Suddenly, I felt much more tired. My throat hurt from breathing the cold morning air in too quick and heavily, my heart was racing and I felt like it was time to walk and cool down.

I took note of our location. "This is nuts! How can I be this tired so soon? It's them! Those rotten little whining children have once again sucked the fucking life right out of me! Damn it all to hell!"

Normally, I leave the house at 4:30 or 5. I run as I watch the sun come up and take in the smell of morning. I don't go for distance or speed, just calm me time, until my body feels tired yet invigorated. But this time I was tired, really tired, emotionally and physically and I didn't even go half as far as normal.

While I love my kids, I need and thoroughly enjoy my alone time. So tomorrow morning my plan is to ditch them. Yes, very mature indeed, but a mom's gotta do, what a mom's gotta do. It really is all about me ya know. And once those rotten brats of mine learn that, we will all get along much better. Yes, I realize I have been doing a lot of whining today but I guess that's what I get for hanging around my kids too much.