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Friday, April 22, 2005

Sweet Child Of Mine

Granny Oakley, if you are reading this, please stop. There is some information in this post about your granddaughter that you simply should not, must not know, until Sunday. It involves a surprise for you. If you cheat and continue reading, I will be forced to tell Lane 2 that her grandmother is a cheating bitch. Not that the child doesn't already know about the bitch part, but still.

Okay all of you who are not Granny Oakley, AKA my mother, in my last post I told you about my daughter's garage sale fetish, obsession, fixation or whatever. After school, Lane 2 got her chance at the garage sale.

I read Kiki's comment from yesterday and felt it was pertinent that I let you all know, Lane 2 will not buy clothing or shoes from garage sales. She only buys, toys, dolls (excluding stuffed animals), trading cards, antiques and presents for loved ones. I swear to God mother if you are still reading this, I will post a picture of your saggy baggies! Don't push me woman!

Where was I? Oh, yes. Lane 2 found a lovely gift for her grandmother. She said she really wanted to buy it for her because it would be a nice get well present. I tried talking the child out of said gift, saying Granny Oakley already had her 15 minutes of fame from her booboo, however the child begged for 25 cents. I reluctantly dug through my change purse (I know, I can't believe I actually have one of those either, which is a post for another day. Old chick's and their accessories. I bet you can hardly wait, huh?)

Lane 2 took a decorative plaque, which had a sticker on it that read 75 cents, up to the counter where the lady sat with her money box. I called her back over to me.

"Sweetheart, it's 75 cents not a quarter." I began to dig for more change.
"Mom, it's okay. I don't need anymore money."

Assuming she had some lunch money left over, I let her go back to what she was doing. She began telling the lady the story about my mother getting hurt two weeks ago. (See Doggone Scary Scene below for more information) She did not leave one drop of blood out of the story. The lady was rightfully mortified. Then she, that sweet child of mine, asked the lady if she would sell the plaque to her for a quarter.

The lady said, "Sure honey. That is a wonderful thing you are doing for your grandmother! You tell her I hope she gets better right away."

I felt like shouting, "Lady, you just got punked!" Not that my daughter was lying, just that she used my mother's injury to get a really good deal on a gift. That is just so wrong on so many levels! The only thing that saved me from lecturing my daughter about what she did was her proud smile as she looked down at the plaque as we walked back home.

The plaque has two roses made of seashell with gold plated leafs and stems with the inscribed words, "Mother's can't be everywhere, so God invented grandmothers."

Lane 2 looked up at me and said, "You think grandma will like this?"
"Yeah, baby. I do."
"I got a really good deal on it too."
"Yeah, you sure did."
"I kinda feel bad," she said as she walked, while tracing her index finger along the letters.
"Why? Because you used your grandma's booboo to get a bargain?"
She looked up, disgusted, "No!"
"Because. That lady at the garage sale was old, a grandma probably. And one of her grandkids more than likely gave this to her and she sold it for a stinkin' quarter."
"Yeah but you talked her down. She was trying to sell it for 75 cents."
"I bet if I offered her a dime, she would have taken it."

(P.S. I would like to thank Michael for inspiring the name of this post.)