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Monday, January 16, 2006

Weekend Shorts

While driving back from one of the farms Mr. Lane had the whole family working at this weekend, he pointed to a cattle farm.

He asked, "Remember when I tried getting a job there?"


"You really don't remember?"


"You have to remember. There was that one armed guy. I came home laughing my ass off."

"Well, what's funnier than a one armed guy? Sorry, it isn't ringing any bells, honey."

"Well, I went there and met this farmer. He took me out to lunch. While we were at this little local café, he said he needed help hauling the cattle from farm to farm but warned me how dangerous it can be. As he was saying that, this one armed guy walks by, we both looked up at him for a second, and I said, 'I'm sure a freakin' cow isn't gonna rip my arm off.' And the guy said, 'That's my dad.' I guess he did lose it in a farming accident. I am sure it wasn't a cow who caused the accident though. Maybe that's why those guys never called me back."

"You think?"

Yesterday while I was slightly exasperated, Lane 1 did something out of line, and I started to reprimand him but began with, the wrong kid's name, which I rarely do. My daughter looked shocked at me and said, "You seriously mistook that freak as me?"

My mother was, and still is the queen of messing up our names. She actually called me one syllable of each child's name, followed by "damn it, Lois." I thought I would be helpful one day and I drew giant Ls on my shirts like Laverne from Laverne and Shirley, but that only got me a major ass beating. At least during that beating she called me the right name. See, there is an upside to everything.