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Monday, January 09, 2006

Psycho Shower Scene

Jaime Dawn started something in the Lane household. A while back she had a post about a chalk board she has in her kitchen. Someone puts a message up, usually something very nice, and as the days go by, someone or someones come along to change the wording. So something that began as "Mom is a queen" the next day might say, "Mom is a queer."

I loved the idea and intended on buying a message board for our kitchen. I had visions of what kind of messages my husband and kids would leave. Nothing could have prepared me. We accidentally started a board on the shower walls with Lane 2's bath crayons.

She normally takes her crayons out of the bathroom when she is done. The day she forgot, was the day we got our message board. I saw the lovely easy-to-wash crayon sitting lonely on the shelf. I picked it up and wrote, "I (heart) Mr. Lane, Lane 1 and Lane 2." After a certain child's shower, it said, "I (heart) Mr. Lane, Lane 1 and Lane 2 smells like a fart!"

Mr. Lane soon took a turn, drawing his sorry version of a butt and wrote, "My butt was here!" No, I heart Lois or anything remotely romantic, but a drawing of his rear end.

I was pleased to see a child drew butt hair on it and poop balls on his masterpiece.

Mr. Lane cleaned that off of the wall, leaving nothing. During my shower, I wrote, "Mom rules and Dad drools!"

By the time Lane 1 was finished with his shower, the largest part of the wall said, "Lane rules the world! P.S. More than Mom!"

The graffiti on the shower walls isn't just another way to communicate silly stuff, it's a fun way to trick the kids and my old man into cleaning the shower.

My new pal Sissy, the resident formerly of Memphis, is now residing in the armpit of Illinois two miles away from the Lane Estate. New to the area she asked me to show her where all of the good shopping was. We first headed to DeKalb. We weren't very far from Northern Illinois University's campus and noticed many 20 somethings shopping among us.

Sissy looked at me in the grocery store very seriously and quietly said, "Lo, there's a lot of lesbians here."

I laughed and reminded her we were near campus. "Free spirits, Sis. Free love and whatnot."

"I don't think I saw this many gay people in the last fifteen years as I'm seeing right now."

"Are you a homophobe Sis?"

"Not at all. I'm just surprised."

"Well, look at us. Two chicks. I'm 5'9" sporting my shit kickers (cowboy boots). You're 5'11". We are grocery shopping together, with one cart I might add. What do you think that makes us look like?"

"Oh fuck, Lo! You go get your own cart." She giggled and shoved me away.