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Wednesday, May 17, 2006

Mental Ooze

This is a sneak peek into my inbox:

"Hey Lois, where have you been? I hope you and the little Lanes are all doing good. I read your sister's comment about Lane 1 being sick. I hope it's nothing serious. Tell Lane 1 and Anita I hope they get better soon. Call me."

"Hi Lo! Are you mad at me?"

"I haven't seen you around the blog lately am I really that boring?"

"Lois!!! You aren't going to believe this! I got the job!!! Go read my blog for all of the info. I'm so excited!!!! MUAH!"

"Lois, want a bigger penis?" Hey, how'd that get in there?

So to answer some questions, yes we are all fine and dandy. Lane 1 has been having major allergy issues but this is how we celebrate spring. Snotting, sneezing, itchy watery eyes, stuffy ears and throat but other than that he is perfect. We are hoping he is feeling up to competing at state for track and field this weekend.

Anita has an infection in her throat, which coincidentally, hit her the day after she kissed my snot-nosed brat on the lips, as he claimed to be passing her a cold.

I went to the pharmacy to buy some allergy medication for him the other day. The shelves were empty and because we are in a somewhat remote area, I was pissed. Instead of taking a half hour drive to another town, I asked the pharmacist if they had any in their stockroom. The pharmacist asked for my license. Thinking that was odd because it is over-the-counter stuff, I asked why. She said because meth heads have been turning cold meds and allergy pills into dope, everyone has to be watched and their information has to be put into a computer system and the pills have to be stored behind the counter. How crazy is this world today?

What I really don't understand is how gas stations and truck stops are able to sell Yellow Jacket without being monitored. It's a shot of energy juice (also offered in pill form) that can also be used to make meth. It's known in schools as herbal speed. The kids can buy it no matter how old they are, and it has been blamed on many deaths. Is that just crazy or am I getting old?

When I was in high school the cool kids, which I wasn't, used to take a couple of No Doze and a Jolt Cola for a quick buzz or to make it through finals. I thought that was crazy too.

That brings me to the saying, "That's crazy." I say that way too much. Not too long ago, I was at a coffee shop in DeKalb, which is a university town. I was eavesdropping on some 20-somethings, and I heard a guy say, "That's crazy. Not crazy like self combustion, but crazy nonetheless." So just about the time I think I'm young, cool and hip to the jive, I'm outdone by a little whippersnapper. I really need to break myself of that habit.

I'm way behind on blog reading because life is busy again. Or would that be still? Crappy paying freelance gigs are flowing like melted butter off a heap of taters. I'm also in the midst of a rewrite for my book. No agent directed me to do so, but I walked away from it for a full month. Looking at it with fresh eyes, I see where some changes would be helpful.

I've also signed myself up for a couple of comedy writing classes this summer, which no doubt my father is looking down upon me with pride and saying, "I always knew you were cut out for clown college, baby." Swelling with pride indeed.

Thank you all for providing honest answers in the questionnaire yesterday. The general consensus is, Mom needs help. Funny but, I haven't heard from her yet.

What's on your mind today?