You Want What?

My sister Anita is in surgery as I type. Please send good vibes to her and her stupid gall bladder and the surgeon who is plucking it out. How’s that for a Christmas present? She’ll likely be laid up and feeling crappy, so I hope Santa is extra good to her this year.

Speaking of Santa, we Lanes have asked for some really weird shit. The kids, for the most part, have outgrown toys. Sure they would be happy to get a high-tech video game system, but neither asked for one. Instead, the kids, old man and me, are all asking Santa to bring us things for our house.

Without going into detail, we need a new toilet, and both kids have one on their list. I don’t ever remember asking Santa to bring anything that wasn’t specifically for me. I was a selfish little shit, I guess.

Since I’m short on time, tell me what’s the weirdest gift you have ever asked for.