Ants In Your Pants?

Hi you twisted little monkeys! If you aren't twisted, click "next blog" fast. This is one of those "Plucked from the pit of my ass" posts. It's not going to be nearly as shitty as that one post about infants crapping in sinks, but it's pretty close.

With that warning out of the way, I bring to you twisted thoughts of crabs, by Lois Lane. We've all heard of crotch crickets, and if you've read this blog before, you've also heard of loin lobsters. Why on earth did I spend so much time contemplating crabs? Well, it seems that a certain little someone planted a seed into my head, and this was the result.

Panty pests
Gash gophers
Groin grubs
Groin Grasshoppers

Beaver beetles
Pecker pupa
Penis Pincher-bug
Weenie weevils

Snatch slugs
Snatch scorpions
Snatch squirrels
Cooter katydids
Cooter critters
Vaginal varmints

Genital gerbils
Taco ticks
Twat termites
Twat tarantula
Wiener wasps

Muff moths
Muff mosquitoes
Muff mites
Muff mice

Crotch cockroaches
Box butterflies
Fur fleas
Fur flies
Fire-crotch Fireflies

Labia Lice
Labia louse
Anal arachnids
Dick Dung-beetles
Bush bees


I may have had more fun typing these thoughts than I was supposed to. Hell, they may not even be funny to you. Especially if you have itching in your lower abdominal area currently. Should your twisted thoughts include other panty pests not mentioned, please feel free to share in the comments. May your weekend be filled with critter-free fun and frolic.