Wild World

We've only been in our new town for a year, which means, we are still learning of new places to shop and eat. We went to a Mexican restaurant a few nights ago for an early Valentine's Day family date.

Yeah, because nothing says, "I love you!" quite like refried beans or its aftermath.

The waitress seated us, and said, "You all havin' the buff-et (pronouncing the T) or ya need menus?"

Trying not to smile, I asked, "What's in your buffet?"

"Um, we got fried chicken, mashed 'taters, corn, salad and brownies." Raising her eyebrows excitedly, she added, "You can eat as much as you want of everything, includin' the brownies."

Lane 2 started to giggle, and said, "Did I tell you about the food fight we had in school?"

As soon as the waitress left, I wound up for the lecture about wasting food, and making a mess, and getting in trouble at school, but before I could say anything, Lane 2 quietly blurted, "There was no food fight, Ma. I just had to think of something fast because, helllooo we are in a Mexican restaurant and the whole dag-gum buff-et is everyin' but Mexican food. But there's good news 'cause we kin eat as much as we want at this all you kin eat buff-et, even if that means havin' ten helpin's o' brownies."

We all giggled quietly until my ears heard something else intriguing. "You kin punch in just about an'thang if you type in a dot com after it."

Ahhh, Bubba done discovered the internets and I was lucky enough to hear all about it.

"People put up these videos of stuff all the time. You can see just about any thang in that tube. "

Bubba's friend seemed confused about this tube, also known as Youtube, heck the whole internet concept seemed too much for him. I guessed he never used anything but a fishin' net 'efore.

Bubba, the high-tech redneck told his friend all about the difference between "usin' the phone jack instead of the cable. It's like the difference 'tween NASCAR and soapbox derby. You cain't believe how fast that sucker pops up."

Holy hell, I wish I had a camera rolling because that sure would have found its way on Youtube. The more people like them I see, the more I love living out in the country.

It's been a busy week for funny shit here. Lane 1 has been saving her money to buy a wii. Everyone and their brother seems to want this game system. It is even sold out online, which boggles my mind. I see commercials for it every time I watch TV. Why would Nintendo waste all that money advertising something that you can't buy?

Apparently the company just can't make and ship them fast enough. I've tried for months to talk my daughter out of this system, but she is determined. And on her birthday, in November, she finally came up with enough money to buy it and at least one game. Trouble is, we can't find one anywhere. We live in the country and our closest store that would sell one is 30 miles away. I compiled a list of places within, seriously an 80 mile radius. She calls, I call, none of those places ever have them in stock, since Nofuckingvember.

In fact, most of the places say, "You really have to be here in the store when we get them. Which we never really know when we will be getting them, but the last shipment we received had seven consoles and they sold out in less than 20 minutes."

So unless the girl and I camp out in one of these stores, she is not going to be getting it any time soon.

One day while making the calls I dialed the number for Kmart just as the urge to go to the bathroom hit. Unless I am on the phone with my own mother, I can't talk and pee. So I handed the phone to my old man, and said, ask if they have it, and off I ran.

A girl answered and said, "Good morning. Thank you for calling Kmart. What can I help you discover today?"

And just like his Burger King comment that came flying out of his mouth, he said, "The G Spot."

He said he didn't know what came over him and just hung up without asking about the video game.

"Why would they answer their stupid phone that way?"

He acted like the girl who answered was just asking for a smart assed caller to say something like that to her. He obviously won't be getting a job at Kmart anytime soon, either.

Mr. Lane is still having a good time with his "Burger King" comment, but continues to work at the job he had before this job search took place. (See post below if you feel lost.) His boss must be somewhat nice, I mean, he did give the man five days off without much warning.

A couple of nights ago, in bed, I snuggled up to my old man. He said, "Come on baby, you can have it your way. This is, after all, the home of the Whopper."

"Whopper Jr., maybe," I laughed and then I... I... (Mom, stop reading.) I grabbed that man's penis, put my mouth up to it, as if it were Mr. Microphone and asked, "Is there any way I can super size my order?"

I don't understand why he doesn't appreciate my sense of humor. Have a great week everyone!