Image hosted by

Friday, November 21, 2008

Here I Come To Save The Day!

I'm no Mighty Mouse, but I sure played one this morning. I know I don't typically blog more than once a week, but this news is so big and so amazing, I had to share immediately. If you didn't see my previous post about my cousin's passing, it's below, so is a picture of Lane 1 and his new car. Please notice his cute outfit.

It's been a while since I've written about my heroic efforts to save those in need, but I've not hung up my cape. I am still kickin' it old school and saving lives like crazy. This morning was no different. It was 4:30 am, my old man and I were having our coffee together before work.

The morning was progressing, and ideas were popping. I felt the need to get started with work early.

As I typed away, Mr. Lane said, "I'm going to go to the bathroom and brush my teeth, and then I'm heading out."

He walked away and I continued to write. That is until the dogs were whining to go outside.

Mr. Lane was (there really is no nice way to put this) sitting on the throne in the bathroom. From behind the closed door, he screamed a terrifying scream, "LOIS! LOIS OH MY GOD, LO!"

I busted into the bathroom and saw the decorative towels on the rack next to the toilet were on fire. Seriously, up in flames.

My husband...whose pants were around his ankles...was trying to crawl off of the toilet to get something to put the fire out with.

Like an Olympic hurdler, I sprinted and jumped over his still on-all-fours crawling body, grabbed another decorative towel from a different bar, jumping back over my naked crawling husband, I flung it and myself against the growing flames.

I turned my head away from the fire, hoping to burn only my hands, if anything at all. With my head turned over my shoulder, like an owl, I saw my husband's big old doe eyes looking terrified. My eyes gazed at the rest of him...mostly naked...pants and skivvies still around his ankles...still positioned on all fours...mouth agape...eyes wide...terrified...paralyzed in fear...

...fucking hysterical!

Looking back at the towel rack, I saw the flames were out. I looked back over my shoulder to see not one inch of flesh had moved on my husband. Calm and casually, I said, "Honey, you dropped something."

Mortified he, still on all-fours, still with his pants around his ankles, frantically searching for anything that "may have dropped." Within seconds, I was on the floor with him laughing my ass off.

He finally snapped out of his state of shock, realized I was just joking about the dingle berry that got away, hopped back onto the toilet, looked at me very seriously as I continued to roll around the floor laughing. Clearly, he was not amused.

When I finished laughing at him and before I gave him the privacy he seemed to desire, I asked how in the hell the towels caught fire.

Now sitting like "The Thinker" on the toilet, he said, "This towel had a string hanging from it, so rather than pull it, I took my lighter and tried to burn it off. But the whole thing went 'woosh' up in flames."


"Yeah, woosh!"

"I wonder if toxic gasses had anything to do with it."

Disgusted and annoyed, he very seriously said, "Can I get some privacy, please?"

Walking out, stifling my laughter, I said, "You're welcome."

*** UPDATE ***

Rosie Live, is tonight!

The head writer and co-producer of Rosie Live told me if the show progresses, meaning if NBC picks it up as a weekly...she would "be happy to take a submission" from me.

As most of you know, it is my dream to write for this show. I have a pretty good chance, providing the ratings are HUGE.

I'm asking everyone to please tune in to Rosie Live on NBC at 8/7CST tonight!

I'm heading out of town, hoping to make my destination in time so I can watch live too rather than the DVR version. So off I go with "The pedal to the metal and the thing to the floor!" (Five points to whoever knows what movie that's from)

Welcome fellow Poop & Boogies lovers! William, thanks for the plug.

Happy Thanksgiving to all of you!!!