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Wednesday, December 29, 2004

Oh Brother

"Got me some mud flaps with naked ladies on them,"... identity theft, you've seen the commercials. Shocked and appalled, I found this very thing was going on in my house. The unsuspecting victim set her credit card down under the assumption, this was a safe haven.

When you're 10-years-old and have a 12-year-old brother there is no peace to be had. There is nothing sacred. No place is safe. You can run but you can't hide. You can try to play with your Barbie shopping cart, but it's only a matter of time before someone steals your credit card when you're not looking.

That little shit, Lane 1, snagged that play credit card, which just so happens to be the coolest part of the whole toy and slid it into his pocket undetected by Lane 2 or me. After searching high and low for the card she asked me if I had seen it anywhere.

I told her to check all of the places she might have been, the bathroom, kitchen, ect. Before long the two of us were searching everywhere together. Right about the time I said, "It'll turn up, sweetie,. Don't worry, we'll find it later." Lane 1 comes out of his room and says, "Got me some mud flaps with naked ladies on them," he was holding the credit card in his hand, over her head, as he giggled and ran into his room, he slammed the door, locked it and giggled some more.

I took a butter knife and popped his lock, stole the credit card back, accidentally crunching his knuckles, and told him to leave his sister and her toys alone.

I was amazed how before this theft occurred, she was able to play so quietly with such an obnoxiously loud toy. Have you seen this toy? It is basically a shopping cart that has all of the grocery shopping needs one could possibly want, including a credit card, saver's card, a sales paper and way overpriced play food. Each item has something scanable. Every time you scan something it beeps and talks. If it wasn't so loud even on it's lowest setting, it would be a very cool toy.

Soon Lane 2 was back to shopping and having a great time. With the boy around, I knew it wouldn't last. At first sight of him coming back out of his room, I knew, quiet time was over.

He walked by, looked at me, looked at her and because he didn't see me watching out of the corner of my eye and knew she wasn't looking, he started shoplifting in her makeshift store. Lane 1 had his arms filled with fake food items that once lined the bookshelf, turned grocery isles, in her bedroom.

Just about the time I turned toward him, he started stuffing the stolen goods down his shirt, and said, "Security in this place stinks!" Off he ran back to his room, giggling insanely.

She rolled her eyes and said, "Mom, why didn't I get a sister instead of a stupid brother?"

It was time she knew the truth, for this next week off of school, she would be experiencing more and more of this bothersome brother and all of his antics.

"It's your dad's fault."