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Thursday, April 27, 2006

I Believe In Love

I am always amazed at the types of things that make headlines. Specifically when items sell for buckets of cash when a religious figure can be seen in said item. I don't know if this makes the news to draw more believers or if the editors hear about something on eBay and think, "Let's out this crazy bastard."

Whatever the case, I think it's high time I jump on the bandwagon. I am a believer and certainly deserving of some additional cash. The problem is, I've never signed myself up for eBay. I have this fear of getting addicted to a habit I could not support. (That's the key to addiction folks.) Plus I hate losing. I could picture some sorry sonofabitch in Sri Lanka out bidding me, and just the thought of that pisses me off.

So I thought I would start my own auction right here and now. If there are naysayers among you, please don't try to destroy mine or the other's faith with negativity. Remember what your mother taught you, "If you have nothing nice to say, don't say anything at all."

The first and only item I have to put up on the block today is the most amazing gift nature could give. Maybe it was actually from the local market, but its origins certainly are from nature. At any rate, this item is special, and there is no need to strain your eyes to see the miracle, like that Grilled Cheesus, Mary and Joseph, which incidentally sold for $28,000. Gives a whole new meaning to "Feel the power of cheese" huh?

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Here it is in all of its glory. God is good people. He has given me a heart-shaped plum to show His never ending love to me and you. Initially, my eyes refused to see the gift nature had provided. I was squeezing produce fast and furiously, and had no idea a miracle was in the palm of my hand. "I've got the whole world..." And you can too for the low, low price of... bidders, start your engines.

But wait, there's more. You see, as I looked at this gift, I knew He was reaching out to me. How could I sell our Father's love all willy nilly on the internet?

Thinking about that made me hungry and what happened next was simply another gift from above. See for yourself...

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I took three small bites to satisfy my hunger, and there He was. Yes, I know the flash takes away from His beauty, but that is clearly The Big Guy. I mean really people, how could three innocent nibbles turn into His likeness? This post has me plum tuckered out.

Let the bidding begin!