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Friday, April 21, 2006

Like A Bridge Over Troubled Waters

Today's preplanned post is on hold. Two things popped up out of nowhere. Number one, Mom found herself in the emergency room yesterday. She, of course, went unwillingly in an ambulance. Do you know people like my mom? They will admit to feeling lousy, being in pain, this goes on for days, leading into weeks and won't bother to see a doctor until they are down for the count. Folks, meet my mother.

Thankfully she was able to come home after they flushed her like a terlet full of IVs. She was dehydrated and has kidney stones with a nasty infection. I guess those things go hand-in-hand. Drinking water makes you pee, which stings because of the kidneys preparing their attack. You stop drinking because stinging pee holes are no fun, and poof, you get all raisined out.

Mom and I have reversed roles so many times I can't begin to tell you in one post. I have lectured this woman about the importance of drinking 64 ounces of water every single day so many times I should have recorded it for playback.

Sixty four ounces sounds like a lot because it is a lot. The human body is supposed to be 70% water. If there isn't the right amount of water intake, all sorts of havoc begins to take place inside.

Sure, kidney and bladder troubles can happen regardless, however, are much less likely in people who drink the required amount of water. Every. Single. Day.

A few years ago, I interviewed a doctor. He said the majority of problems in otherwise healthy people is caused simply by not drinking enough water. To give you a gist of what he told me, water benefits include, less muscle aches, less head aches, it speeds metabolism, helps with weight loss, keeps skin clear and soft, slows the wrinkle process, it helps the circulatory system, and if all that doesn't sell you on water, get this, it boosts your sex drive helping keep certain areas moist and other areas pump-ready ifyouknowwhati'msayin'.

You may be at the doubting stage so I'm here to tell you, I tested this dude's theory and everything he said was true. Sure, when you begin increasing your water you'll spend an absurd amount of time in the bathroom, but your body eventually gets used to processing better.

That's the lecture I give Mom in a nutshell. Now I give you readers the challenge. I want you to report back and tell me how you feel. Journal it, blog it, e-mail me, whatever. This is a TRIPLE-DOG-DARE! Try weaseling out of that one.

Well-wishes can be sent to my mommy at

The second thing to come up was Patricia's comment this morning on yesterday's post. She flashed me back to a time my sister Angie and I really should have been given a major ass whoopin'. We were spared because we had company that day.

You know those patty cake games little girls play? "Miss Mary Mack, Mack, Mack, all dressed in black, black, black, with silver buttons, buttons, buttons all down her back, back, back..." Waiting for our grandmother to show up, Ang and I sat there playing our little clapping games.

Not too long before, we learned a new song at school. All of the cool girls were singing it, so we did too. "All the little girls on Jay Bird Street, love to hear the robin going tweet, tweet, tweet, rockin' robin. Daddy got drunk and thrown in jail. Sister's on the corner singing, 'Pussy for sale' rockin' robin."

We had no idea what we were saying. Mom sure did. Never saw that woman move so fast in all of our lives. Apparently Grandma was walking toward us. We were so wrapped up in our clapping game, we didn't notice her. Even if we did, we sincerely didn't know pussy was not a kitty cat. Mom said bad words at us through her teeth that day.

Ang and I finally figured out what we had done and that was by far one of the funniest things ever.