Dear Vince, Please bite your tongue... off. Thankyouverymuch. Did anyone read Mr. Smartieass's comment for the last post? Vince suggested I may be a crybaby lately because I am knocked up. Since Mr. Lane was "fixed" in 1995, if I were knocked up, which I am not, I'd be in big freakin' trouble, ifyaknowwhatI'msayin'!
I've been having really weird dreams lately, which happens to be out of character for me too. The other night, I dreamt that Sharon Stone ran Lane 2 over as we were walking through a parking lot. (I don't know if it was MAD TV or SNL but one of them had a skit with good ol' Sharon, which has got to be why she made it into my dreams.) I pulled that woman out of her driver's side window, by her hair and broke her in two over my knee. How fucked up is that? Ain't no one, not even a mega-star gonna get away with hurting one of my babies!
It was one of those weird and vivid dreams. Snapped the bitch in two. And even though I was covered in her blood, I dropped the pieces on the ground, helped my daughter get up, asked if she was okay, and then we headed into the mall like all was right with the world. Weird.
It's almost as weird as having a son who is going off to high school. Fuck. How'd he get so old?
Here is Mr. Lane and Lane 1, Sunday after graduation. All of the pictures I took with my digital have his friends in them too. And while I can exploit my own child and husband on the internet, it would be wrong to post other people's kids without permission. Maybe when I get my film developed, I can share more. I've already forgotten what and who I took pictures of.
As I look at him towering over his dad, I am blown away with how quickly he has grown up. Then I look at those hideous sunglasses that he thinks are so cool, and I realize, he's still just a silly boy.
Another example of his silliness. Lane 1 and I were in the garden center of our local, rhymes with Ballmart, store, and he said, "pssst... Ma? Is it cool if I pick up a hoe here?" When I turned and saw the image above, I dug fast and furiously for my camera, and said, "Awwww! My baby boy and his very first hoe. This is a Kodak moment if I've ever seen one." (Giggle fits make for blurry photos.)
All of the mental images of his silliness kept me from bawling through the graduation ceremony. Plus, Mr. Lane was getting antsy. He is worse than a child.
"I didn't know they were going to trick us into going to church today."
"Honey, this is a parochial school. What do you expect?"
"Yeah, but the program said graduation begins at 9. When does it really begin?"
"If you listen to Pastor, you'll notice that his sermon is all about coming of age and moving on to the next chapter of life. This is the graduation."
Lane 2 looked at her father, shook her little head and said, "Daddy, we aren't allowed to say that in church."
Once Pastor finished with all of the "crap" the kids were called one-by-one to receive their diplomas. Lane 1 strutted like a peacock onto that stage, gave the peace sign to his buddies in the front row, and winked at the girls. God help me. He offered up a quick smile to us and headed back to his seat. That was it, he was officially going onto the next chapter of his life.