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Saturday, November 17, 2007

With Arms Wide Open

I’ve been hiding something from all of you for some time. My own mother doesn’t even know. I’ve hinted in her general direction, but just never could find the right words. I should have been honest because you have always stood right beside me in all of my decisions and insanity, as my family members have also. I don’t know why I’ve been so closed-lipped about this latest development in my life.

It’s just that, Lane 2 turned 13 last week, and Lane 1 is 15. Hell, he is going to be driving this year. It would be like starting all over again. But, what’s done is done.

I present to you, my fraternal twins, Daisy and Darla Lane:

Lois and her twins.

Darla (dachshund).

Daisy (miniature pincher) and Mr. Lane napping.

They say a pet and owner look alike. If you notice, Darla has my hair. And Daisy has Mr. Lane’s ears. We wandered off to the animal shelter because I was trying to, as I like to say, get over it, only it didn’t work this time. I go into the local animal shelter on occasion to get my fix of animal smells and sounds. Doing so makes me no longer want another animal. All of the barking makes my ears ring, and poof, I’m over it, going home empty handed.

This time was different. We fell in love. Me and Darla, Mr. Lane and Daisy = instant bond. I always thought if I did get a dog, it would be a border collie. I think those are about the most fun, playful and crazy dogs you can find, which would fit in well with this hyperactive family. So how did we wind up caving to the likes of a wiener dog and a mini-pin? I have no idea, whatsoever.

It’s kind of funny, you begin a relationship, if it lasts more than six months, people start to ask, “When are you two getting married?” Once you cross that bridge, they ask, “When are you having a baby?” And as soon as that little bundle of joy comes screaming into this crazy world and steals your heart, people ask, “When are you having another baby?” If you’re lucky and get a boy and girl in rounds one and two, the next thing people ask is, “When are you two going to buy a house for your family?” Finally caving into the pressures of home ownership and a brand new tax write-off, there we were, taking that next step. We’ve been here in our new home for one year. Anyone and everyone has asked if we have a yard, and, as soon as we say yes, the question became, “When are you getting a dog?”

We have followed protocol and reached all of those socially acceptable phases of growth. I don’t know what the next question is but I’m sure it may be something like, “When are you two going to divorce and trade each other in for newer models?” I’m not saying a hot younger version wouldn’t be fun, but I’m sorta fond of my old man and his min-pin style ears.

Oh, one more thing… this is a public service announcement.

If you are working a jigsaw puzzle while you are eating Gardetto's, make sure you know which hand has the puzzle pieces, and which hand has the snacks.

I’m just sayin’.

I am Lois Lane, and I approve this message.