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Thursday, September 15, 2005


My daughter Lane 2 had a loose molar for weeks. The other day, it was hanging by a thread. She showed it to all of her friends at school as it flopped about in her mouth. Most of them told her to pull it, while the rest told her she was gross.

After school, we went to Dairy Queen to collect money for the fundraiser. The kids bullied me into submitting to their ice cream wishes. With Blizzards in hands, they had the nerve to make fun of me about the last time we went there.

Lane 2 was chomping away on her Oreo Cookie Blizzard when her tooth fell out. She held in her hand an Oreo covered mess of a tooth. I told her she would have to brush it so the Tooth Fairy didn't think it was rotten.

As soon as we walked into the house, she ran toward the bathroom. "If only you were that excited about brushing it before it fell out of your mouth." I said.

"Oh cool! Look Mom! It's still got blood in it!"

Why she was so excited about that is beyond me. "That's great honey. Go put it under your pillow before you forget."

"But Mom. I want to show it to my friends. I mean, look at all the blood in there!"

"You can't take your bloody tooth to show-and-tell sweetheart. That is just disgusting."

"Please Mommy?"

That child batted her eyelashes at me while showing off her best pouty face. "Well the Tooth Fairy knows you lost the tooth. She will be here looking for it."

"How about I write her a letter and ask if she can come back some other time?"

"You can try. But I don't know if that will work."

I pulled Lane 1 aside to ask what the Tooth Fairy gave him for his first molar. I about shit when he said 20 bucks. "Are you kidding me? What the hell was she thinking."

He laughed at me and said, "I think that was all you had in your purse at the time Mom."

"You mean, that's how much she had in her purse at the time, right son?"

"Yeah, whatever. Hey Sis, you're gonna get 20 bucks for that tooth!"

"Really? Mom, is he lying?"

"Yes baby, he is."

Mr. Smart Ass, I mean, Lane 1, fetched his bank book to show his sister the $20 deposit, marked, "Tooth Fairy money."

Of all times for him to buddy up to his sister. "I guess I was wrong. You probably will get 20 bucks."

"Can we go shopping?"

"No. We can go to the bank."

"Awe man!"

She sat down at the kitchen table with a pen and a piece of paper.

"Dear Tooth Fairy, this is me, Lane 2. I wonder if maybe you can come back tomorrow to get my tooth. I really would like to take it to school to show my friends cuz it's still got lots of blood in it. Love, Lane 2."

With the note and tooth in a sandwich bag under her pillow, she was too wound up to fall asleep. By 10 o'clock, she finally caved.

While waiting for her to fall asleep, I pondered my options. How pissed off would her teacher be knowing the "Tooth Fairy" let her keep it for show-and-tell? How grossed out would some of her classmates be at the sight of the blood? How cool would she feel showing off her bloody nub? I had no choice. I took the note and left the tooth.

In the morning she was as happy as if the 20 bucks was there. She got ready for school faster than ever.

After school, she told me most of her friends thought the bloody tooth was really cool. Her teacher said, "No thank you." when Lane 2 offered her a look. I bet she was cussing me out under her breath too.

All was well that ended well. She put the tooth under her pillow and woke up to 20 bucks.