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Friday, December 02, 2005

Happy Birthday To Home Fires!

Oh my gosh! It is so great to see you! Come on in. Can I get you something to drink? Oh, you shouldn't have. Really. This party is just for fun, gifts aren't necessary. Oh, you brought two gifts? How sweet! Let me take your coat. Have you met everyone already?

Here you go. Nice hot cup of coffee, spiked of course.

What would a one year birthday be without cake? Have a slice. No, really, it's okay. This is carb free and fat free. I swear. Yeah, and there's no sugar or bad stuff like calories, but it has an amazing taste.

What's that? You want to know how Home Fires made it a whole year in the dog-eat-dog world of blog? Why, I thought you'd never ask. See, when a Mommy Blog loves a Daddy Blog very much... Sorry, that's the wrong story.

How and why Home Fires is still around after a year is largely due to you guys. The rest remains a mystery. Thanks for hanging around and reading. You guys are the best!

Now I, like the rest of you, would love nothing more than to continue this party, but I have a shocking story to share. Some of you may cry, others will be appalled. I am still in shock and this is going to be very difficult for me to share. So please, bare with me.

Yesterday I thanked you, The Titkateers for being like a good support bra. I intended to post a photo of a bra to go along with the post. Not wanting to take a photo of my own bra, I turned to my friend the internet. I searched for breast coverings of all varieties.

When I came upon one in particular, I was so beside myself that I forgot why I initially was looking at breasts on the internet.

It has been one month since I heard from the Crazy Opossum Lady. For those of you who are new here, she is a woman who is an animal rescue specialist. When my children found a dead opossum mother in the road in front of our house, they noticed six little pink babies squirming about. I brought the babies into our home and took care of them until I found someone who knew what they were doing.

Enter the Opossum Lady. I didn't know she was crazy until she stuffed the babies into her bra. She claimed that was the safest and warmest place for their fragile bodies.

My good buddy Vince composed music for the song I wrote for her. You can listen to him singing the song here.

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This tiny little guy and his siblings were counting on me to find them a safe haven. I thought I did the right thing by handing them over to a professional. When I spoke to her last, they were "growing quickly" and were "going to soon be headed to a petting zoo" a couple of counties south of here.

I'm going to put some extra space below in the event you are too upset to see this for yourself. I am heartbroken over this tragedy. It pains me to put this here, but it's time we all knew the truth.

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It seems that the Crazy Oposum Lady is nothing more than a Cruella Devil of sorts. She is selling Opossum Nipple Warmers on eBay. (not safe for work)


(The above was simply a joke. The babies I once cared for really are already happily living at a zoo. Happy weekend!)