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Saturday, December 24, 2005

A Little Naughty A Little Nice

I finally finished my Christmas shopping yesterday. Mr. Lane was supposed to take care of the last minute things but he was too busy being a fucking baby sick. He was laying on the couch most of the day saying, "Oh Mama, I'm coming Mama." He claimed to be talking to his mother in heaven.

He later sang, "This is the end of the world as I know it. But Lo feels fine." He ended his rendition looking at me with a frowny face and crinkled eyebrows. He claimed the kids and I gave him the germs. Meanwhile, none of us are sick, which I made mention of. To which he rebutted by saying we are carriers or I poisoned his coffee.

This morning while writing a news story for the local paper, I was thinking aloud and said, "Crap. I can't think of the word. What do you call that?"

He looked at me, very seriously and said, "Dead Man Walking."

"How 'bout Dumb Man Whining?"

That shut him up long enough for me to finish work and today's post. Needless to say he screwed up my entire day yesterday and is trying like hell to distract me right now. I'll have to give virtual Christmas presents in double time.

In speedy quick fashion, typos and all, here are more presents for my friends here in Blogland. If you haven't been given a virtual gift, it's Mr. Lane's fault. Leave a comment and your Christmas wish will magically be granted.

Beginning with my newest group of buddies who I don't "know" well enough to find the perfect gift, I give them whatever one thing they want most. That includes all of you hidden in the shadows too. You're in good company with Jay, Susie, Miss Pickle, Michele In Michigan, Spring, Justine, Mike Ashley, Jamie Dawn, Taza, Morgan, Longiron, Peter, Lucy, Chris, Gina, Melzie, Don Swift, PBS, FTS, His Phoenix, Kero, Moo Alex, Carie, Ivy, Jules, Mona, Jude, Jay Are and Jona. (Why Blogger isn't letting me putting all of those links together, I do not know but it sure is annoying as all hell.)

For my buddy Bill I give a gig over at Hot Rod Magazine. Of course he gets his pick of cool cars to drive. Maybe a new one every day? I'd also like to give his mom the best of health. And because my pal blogs in code a lot, I'd like to give myself a decoder ring. You know like the ones that used to come in cereal boxes when you were a kid? That would be cool. I'd also like to provide the time he needs to work on his many hobbies. With that he must also have all of the tools to fit in his extended workshop.

More than anything material, I'd like Celti to have a close relationship with her sister. Besides that, I'd like to give her a real live vacation every year, about the time Iowa is ass-deep in snow preferably.

For Green-Eyed Lady, I'd like to give a book deal for a series of coffee table books where she can combine her beautiful paintings and poetry. I would also like to give her an acceptance of the past and a very bright future.

I want mi hermana, Veronica well. That's it. Just a cure.

I give my buddy Cindy perfect health and no more pain. I'd like to give her enough money in her wallet. I could wish her wealth beyond the world, but I know she would be happy with enough. For her son Anthony, I give faith in himself because he really is a wonderful young man.

My friend Lightfeather has been through hell this year. I want so much for her. Since she is a former Illinoisan, I would like to give her a couple of trips back home so she can coffee clutch with me and visit Brookfield Zoo (which by the way isn't much different than visiting the Lane Estate). I wish her peace of mind, understanding, returned love and compassion from everyone in her life. And of course good health all around.

Seems there are a few former Illinoisans floating through cyberspace. Lucy, whom I've recently "met" and Mike.

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For Mike I give the above boat with a tour guide to all of the best islands.

Another smart one to leave the freezing cold of Illinois, is my shutterbug pal Victoria Winters. I would like to give her free trips back home whenever she wishes. I would like to give her a job doing what she loves, a gig as photographer.

Freezing her ass off right along side of me still in Illinois, is my friend Tammy. For her I give the house of her dreams, equipped with a housekeeper. I give her mother understanding and compassion and I give her and her family a Disney cruise to start the new year.

Although not in Illinois, my buddy Cathy is freezing off her ever lovin' so for her I offer a nice warm place to retreat to during the winter months. I also want to give her the relationship she has always wanted with her mom. Understanding on both sides and the past left in the past.

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All it's missing is Steelcowboy and Cheri sitting on the seat. This 2006 XL 1200C Sportster is what I want to give my Harley loving pal. With it, of course comes a lifetime supply of fuel and lots of free time to rack up the miles.

Woody and Robin (and Michelle and Dave but they already got stuff) are some of the best little shutter bugs around. I would like to give both an opportunity to share their gift in travel books while making heaps of money.

For Kerri, a woman who loves kids like crazy, I'd like to give a lead teaching job. I would like her to make more than enough money so Michael doesn't have to be gone on business nearly as long. I would also like to give them an annual honeymoon to some place warm. Living in Alaska, any place would probably be a little warmer.

My naughty list got mixed up with my nice list. I have a big handful of other favorite friends to give to. I hope to find enough time tomorrow to give them their gifts.

Merry Christmas to all of y'all!