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Thursday, December 22, 2005

Nice Wouldn't Mean Anything Without Naughty

Wow! After looking over my notes, I've realized the naughty list is way longer than the nice list.

If you are just tuning in, this is my way to give my friends who live in my computer presents for Christmas. You can read more about it here. There are a few days left before Christmas so feel free to join in the gift giving spirit.

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Pirates rarely find themselves on any nice list. They have a reputation to uphold. Therefore, I offer the above to my buddy Pirate. May he and his family travel the world and of course locate some buried treasure.

Magz is one of my first bloggin' buddies. I've been hanging around her virtual farm for about a year. She is one of very few people who really feel at home where she is. For her I give enough feed and seed to get all of her critters through year after year. I give her a laptop that she never has to share. I give her an additional 20 acres that even the local government can't touch. With all of that, she is certainly going to need a beefy beau hunk to help around the farm.

Bookfraud knows he's been naughty. He recently agreed to graciously accept a lump of coal. Too bad pal. Lois Claus doesn't give coal away all willy nilly. You instead shall have a bonfire party with all of those rejection letters. Of course your new agent, friends, family and fans will all be there for the book signing part of the shindig too.

Sloth is getting a high-dollar career. She is too smart for this job but our fashion world is depending on her. This Christmas, I give her a gig as the shoe police. Anyone caught wearing hideous shoes will get whacked into line and given an hour-long lecture and then a shopping trip to learn the art of the shoe. I also wish for my friend to never encounter any funky feet along the way.

Eric, for prosperity sake is getting his very own Real Doll. I also give to him an enema-free doggy lifetime to his beloved pooches. I give him a gig as an ad designer so corporations like Burger King won't come up with things like Coq Roq unless they intend to rename their onion rings Coq Rings as suggested by Eric. Not even Lois Claus can give him more romance in his life with his beautiful bride Kelli than they already share. So for them as a couple, I give continual faith, love and support. Oh heck and maybe a second honeymoon too.

When a guy goes around calling himself Bad Patty, there is just no way he could escape the naughty list. But this naughty one has a soft side. For him I give a sprawling ranch for all of his beloved creatures. I'm also tossing in a couple of the creatures from my backyard. What? Selfish gifts are okay. Right?

Holy bad boys and girls! There are so many more wonderful folks on this laundry list of mine. I just don't know how Santa does it all in one day. Many more Christmas wishes coming soon to a blog near you!