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Monday, May 01, 2006

The Grinch Who Stole...

I know Mondays are busy for all of us, so today I'll keep it short. I intended to tell you all about how mine and my daughter's new Harvest Moon is going, but something came up last minute, so I'll tell you about that tomorrow. If you missed the first round with the game, go here to catch up.

Mr. Lane called this morning from Indiana. Some dirty rotten son-of-a-bitch stole 80 gallons of fuel (almost $300 worth) out of his truck while he slept.

People, if you can't afford fuel, don't steal from the working folk. Write a fucking letter to everyone in congress, your senators, your governor, hell write to the oil companies.

Write to Mr. President, but use small words i.e. "To Junior, the go-go juice in my neck of the woods costs as much as a bucket of chicken and isn't as tasty. I cain't git my work done (by the way I'm 'merican too) 'cuz I ain't got enough greenbacks to fill the tank. (no, sir, not wetbacks, greenbacks, ya know, moolah.) If you kin git yer friends over at Exxon (no, sir, I don't know why there's two Xs in their name either) to maybe shrinky dink their prices, I'd be much obliged to ya. Signed, your number one fan, Bubba"

It's okay if you aren't a fan of his. It's also okay if your name isn't Bubba. Just go ahead and copy and paste that sucker like it is. He'll think he knows you because what redneck doesn't know a Bubba? But, if you have to steal fuel while you wait for the post office to get your letters where they are going, go directly to Exxon, do not pass Go...