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Tuesday, May 02, 2006

I'm Gonna Say It Again...

I'm no good, I'm no good, I'm no good. Baby I'm no good! Man I suck! Temptation is obviously too great for the likes of me.

As mentioned last week, I hated my son in-law, killed my grandson and then my daughter. Stupid video games. After completely ruining my daughter's game of Harvest Moon: Another Wonderful Life, twice, I thought it would only be right for me to "help" her recreate. Third time's the charm, right?

This time we picked the "better" husband option. Figuring if we chose a fellow farmer we would likely have a happier ending. Everything was going smoothly. We wooed him and then married him. And even though he was less of a dick than the first husband, he still was a useless piece of crap.

Fast forward to when my little girl was fast asleep... I turned to my friend the internet and found a walk-through that included this little tidbit of information, the character you play always dies at the end! WTF?! Oh, but there's more. Apparently there is life after death and you can continue playing from heaven in what is a never ending chapter or level of the game.

What kind of stupid bastards came up with this game anyhow? It's called Another Wonderful Life, ain't nothing wonderful about croaking when you're in the prime of your life. Why not name it Real Life: Work Yourself to Death and Haunt Those Who Proved Useless to You in Life. It's a catchy name, huh?

Now, the burning question, do I tell Lane 2 that no matter how hard she tries to make the best farm ever she is still going to kick the virtual bucket?

News You Can't Really Use

This morning I finally had time to catch up on what is going on in the world, and this is what I learned...

TGI Friday's gave one of their customers the finger. Literally. While one worker was whisked away to the emergency room after chopping off part of their finger, another worker was serving up a burger that was kinda like those Crackerjack snacks, it had a surprise inside. I'd take hunk of flesh with my burger if it meant TGI Fridays would be paying me a butt load of money later. You know that is going to happen in 3...2...1...

The items that seems to be flooding the news stations are the big protests from yesterday. Does anyone else think it is a little weird that people who are blatantly breaking the law here in the US are fighting to have the laws changed? Maybe it's just me. I think I'll go live in the Canary Islands and protest against the Bird Flu.

One year ago the country was stunned by the dumb bitch who ran away to avoid marriage. She worried people across the nation because she was an indecisive moron. She remains single. Maybe the guy who she ran away from finally got a clue.

One of the slut teachers who is accused of "tempting" a 14-year-old boy is in hot water again. She allegedly sent as many as 20 cell phone videos of herself dancing seductively after being court-ordered to not have contact with the boy. The former teacher said, "But Your Honor, it was an innocent booty call." (okay, maybe I adlibbed the last line)

And finally, Keith Richards is out of the hospital. He suffered a concussion in a jet ski accident. The poor bastard just tumbled off like a rolling stone.