I Don't Wanna Wait
A couple of years ago, an anonymous poster, left a comment suggesting that I was a bad mother because I am making my kids wait until they are 16 years old before they can date. They claimed I was fighting puberty and nature. Recently a friend, whose children are much younger, posed a similar question.
I really don't have to explain myself to anyone, but for my friend's sake, and for any of you parents who have the same concerns, this may help. The way I see things, first of all, they are my children. I set boundaries and rules in every aspect of their lives. I compromise. I love. I give and I take. Secondly, there are going to be plenty of times in their lives when they want something, and can't have what they desire. In other words, "Get used to not having your way, kids!"
At the age of 16, they are also a little more mature. They are old enough to work and drive, meaning they can get a job making enough money to buy their own car, insurance, and gas. Then they have their own wheels to get to and from, said date. They also have their own money to purchase little gifts for their significant other, or take them out. Why should the expense be on the parents?
Our lives are filled with situations. You really can't always get what you want. If you allow a child to have everything they want when they want it, they will be in for huge disappointments when they are grown. Why set them up for such a huge fall?
The thing about child rearing is, none of us know that we are doing things correctly until the children have grown into loving, caring, responsible adults... or become convict junkies. I believe we all do the best we can with what we have.
Lane 1 and Lane 2 in their younger years, best buddies for sure!
I was attempting to get a good picture of them together. They weren't cooperating.
But when I warned them I had only one shot left, they humored me.
The dating saga came up again because Lane 2 likes a boy. He likes her back. She just turned 14.
Here she is making her birthday wish.
Here's Mr. Lane, Lane 2 and I goofing around during present time.
Here's what I look like at 3 am. when I am awaken by a bunch of birthday party sleepover girls raiding the kitchen. (Shut up, you know I'm looking sexy as all hell, LMFAO!)
So back to this "dating" thing, I'm okay with all of that I like him he likes me stuff, really. But this boy asked her if she would secretly date him when she explained the family rule.
Lane 2 didn't say a word to me, she opted to hand me the note instead. My head was shaking "no" involuntarily as I read the words "secretly date" and my daughter said, "Don't freak out, just keep reading." She knows me well.
Below his note was her response. "Dude, you don't know my mom very well do you? She knows everything. She is kind of a stalker."
I couldn't help but laugh. She's right. The more I read, the more I realized why my little girl likes this boy. He has great penmanship, is kind with his words, makes her feel special, and at the very end of the note, he said, "I understand. I shouldn't have asked you to break the rules. I'll wait until we are 16."
I told Lane 2 I thought it was sweet that he is willing to wait and thanked her for sharing the note with me. Then she asked if it was okay for her to dance with him at the Snowball Dance this coming Friday.
Lane 2 modeling her dress, I kind of hope she sticks with the hat and glasses. Reluctantly I said, "If you want to dance with him, go ahead."
Later that night, I went to pick up Mr. Lane and Lane 1. Not thinking about our son in the backseat, I began telling Mr. Lane about the note, "He asked her to secretly date him, and when she said she couldn't or wouldn't, he said, 'I understand. I'll wait until we are 16.' It was about the cutest thing ever, in my humble opinion."
From the backseat came a growl and the words, "Over my dead body! Which boy is this again? I need to know so I kill the right kid."
Rather than telling his chest thumping son to calm down, Mr. Lane high-fived our son.
"Nothing like encouraging the internal moron, honey."
Genuinely dumbfounded, Mr. Lane said, "What?! It's his job to make sure all of the boys are afraid to ask his sister out."
This poor girl doesn't stand a chance.
We got back to the house, and just like a big dumb brother, Lane 1 started singing to Lane 2, "I don't wanna wait for our lives to be over.."
She gave me the "trader" look. I shrugged. She rolled her eyes. I threw my arms up. She shook her head then smiled. I smiled back. We listened to Lane 1 try to remember the rest of the words. Their father chimed in, and they sang an off-key duet.
Lane 2 asked, "Should I go lock myself in the closet?"
"I think it's the safest place in the house away from them. Got room for me?"