Cuts Like A Knife

The first time, I thought someone was playing with me. This time, because of timing and my IP tracker, I'm certain. This might sound really stupid to some of you guys but when I received a comment from Rosie O'Donnell, I couldn't help but be happy. Not just because she took the time to come to Home Fires and read stuff that I wrote, not because it was the second time she left a comment, either. It was because of what she said both times.

It's funny how words can make or break your day.

When I read her words to me saying she thinks I am funny, I felt there is no better compliment.

This is a woman who I've watched on TV, in movies and always admired her sense of humor, love of her family and her charity work. She inspired a post written about my special needs cousin just before Riding The Bus With My Sister aired.

This morning, as if what she said did not thrill me enough, I see all of these wonderful compliments. You guys have no idea what that does for me. I don't want to be sappy or show my inner narcissist off too much, but I love your words. You guys all make me very happy and keep me writing on this blog.

It's funny to think about how I considered closing up shop here when my dad died, two months ago. I felt so sad and lost and I never thought I would be able to write anything funny again. Thanks for taking me through this difficult time guys, it means more to me than I can express in words.

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Oooh! Curtain # 2... Whaa-Whaa-Whaa, Loser!

An inferiority complex brought on by a 10-year-old child is no way to get me through the day. Lane 2 chose to have a battle of wits with me this morning. She won. Cable internet is down again and my day isn't starting out so great.

If you have been keeping track around here, you know my daughter is a haggler. Everyday and everything is like an episode of Let's Make A Deal. The bad part about that is, I always seem to choose the curtain with the goat. Who, incidentally, has a pile of steaming dung, not sold separately.

Do you have any idea how shitty I feel being outwitted by my baby? It's terrible really. I need to spend more time with my own mother to learn more about guilt trips so my little girl won't keep doing this to me.

She has a garage sale fetish, which I have written about here before. The story I haven't shared is that she has always wanted to have a garage sale of her own. I kid you not, the child has asked for years and every time, I have said no.

I know most of you won't believe this, but, I don't say no to be mean. She doesn't believe that statement either. I say no mostly because anything that we have and no longer need or use, is donated to local charities.

We have a homeless shelter not far away that gets our old household items and furnishings. We have a community college nearby that offers a place to donate business suits and nice clothing for poor women seeking employment, which is where all of my best duds are sent. We have a daycare center in town for poor families. Every toy and outfit my kids have outgrown has been donated there.

It's been a few months since we've made a donation to most of those places. We have plenty to give once spring cleaning is completely out of the way.

This morning 5:30 a.m.: "Mommy, can I have a garage sale this weekend?"
"No."
"Why?"
"Because."
"Because why?"
"Because I said so."
"Mom!"
"What?"
"Please?! Pretty please, with a cherry on top!"
"Baby, why do you want to have a garage sale so badly?"
"So I can sell some stuff and get some money."
"Oh yeah. What do you need money for? I buy you all of the essentials."
"I know mom but I really want to do something that I don't have the money for. And since you won't let me take any money out of my own bank account, I thought I could sell some old stuff and get some money so I can use it for something really important."
"What is so important?"
"I want to get the desktop fixed."
"Honey, it just needs a new motherboard and I told you guys when you got that virus that I wouldn't be rushing to get it fixed."
"I know Mom. That's why I want to have my garage sale. I can make money and pay for the motherboard myself. It was after all, kinda my fault that it got messed up in the first place."
"A garage sale is a lot of work peanut, and won't you feel weird breaking our tradition of donating stuff to people who really need it?"
"I'll price everything reasonably so it won't cost poor people too much money."

How the hell do you argue that? I didn't know, so I said, "Okay. You can have your garage sale."

"oooo! I have a kumquat, right here in my purse!"

So here I sit with my goat and his pile o' crap, calling for garage sale permits. I love my little Monty Hall.