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Tuesday, December 06, 2005

Master Of Puppets

At the age of 11, there is no doubt in my mind that my daughter knows who the tooth fairy is. She also is smart enough not to outright let on to her knowledge.

When it comes to everything in life, I've always told my kids, "If you don't believe, you don't receive."

Instead of a tooth, here is what I found stuffed under her pillow last night.

Dear Tooth Fairy, My molar is on the coffee table in the living room. Can you please leave it there? I don't want him to be lonely. He wants to wait for Mrs. Canine and Mr. Premolar to come out of my gums before he goes to live with you. They are wiggly and almost ready to go.

I promise to take care of Fred (my tooth on the coffee table) until the others are ready to go. You don't have to leave any money behind this time. Just please let him stay. He really loves Mrs. Canine and Mr. Premolar and they love him. It would be a travisty (travesty) if they were parted. So pretty, pretty, pretty please don't take Fred.

Sincerely, Your Loyal Customer, Lane 2

A kid who oozes cute is dangerous. I fear what's to come as we get closer to the teen years. I think in a way she believes giving up all three teeth at once is like money in the bank. I'd guess she wants a wad of cash under her pillow rather than a couple of bucks at a time.

This morning while she was eating a bagel she said, "Oh man! Now I have another loose tooth. I knew I was jinxing myself by asking the tooth fairy to wait for the other two teeth. When another one comes out, I'm leaving her another letter about the latest oral development."

A few days ago, my little Master of Puppets brought home her Thanksgiving report. This year her teacher told her to give thanks for things she normally wouldn't. This is part of what was written on a drawing of a pilgrim lady's dress.

Thank you God for the people who stole our cat because they gave him a home until we found him and stole him back.

Thank you God for dogs, because they eat nasty fish and other gross things your mom tries to make you eat.

Thank you God for chores, because they take time away from doing homework.

Thank you God for school, because without it, I would be stuck with my brother all day long.

Yesterday, after Lane 2 finished her homework and chores she asked if a friend could come over to play. As soon as I said yes, she got on the phone. She ran into her bedroom, shut the door. A few minutes later she came out smiling. She thanked me and said Brittany was on her way over. Brittany lives half of a block away. Lane 2 stood at the front door ready to let her in. I walked away. I heard her come in, she yelled hi to me and the two of them went into Lane 2's room.

When they came out for a snack I noticed Brittany still had her coat on but didn't think much of it. That is until I saw this in my laundry room.

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Brittany smuggled a kitten out of her house and into our house by stuffing it into her coat. Thankfully our cat Chip didn't eat the little thing alive. Lane 2 told her friend I said she could have one of the kitties from her cat's litter. Over the phone she finally confessed to her friend that she never actually asked me for permission, which is why she snuck it in. Lane 2 was so sure after I saw the little one there was no way on earth I could tell her no.

That is when I cut my little puppet strings and became a real live boy girl.