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Monday, January 30, 2006

A Whole New World Mom

My mother resigned herself to a New Year's Resolution of becoming a nicer person. That's a weird resolution even for my mom. She said she had spent too much time being angry and being mean. (her words so don't give me any shit people)

Day one into the new year, Mom and I were on the phone. She began talking about how happy she was. That is until the dog started barking insanely for no apparent reason. "Shut up you stupid dog! You scared the shit out of me!"

"Hey, uh... Mom? This new you?"

"Shut up Lo! She scared me!"

"You're not starting out so good."

"You're right. From now on, seriously, I am going to try harder and just be nicer."

Since the month is almost over, I thought I'd let you guys know how well my mom is doing with her resolution. First, in her defense, things have been pretty shitty in these parts as of late. Basically what that means is she fails miserably every single day. She cracks me up because as soon as she realizes she blew it again, she seriously says, "Oh shit. Guess I need to start over... again."

Last week she was coming out of the hospital from visiting my sister and she saw a lady lose her footing and fall. The new and improved Mom rushed to the lady's side to help her up and brush her off. As she bent over to help, some, "big, fat, stupid, mother fucker" (her words) knocked her over while also trying to help the lady. And, that "sonofabitch didn't even bother to apologize" to my mom.

The guy who knocked my mom down hurt her bad enough for her to visit her doctor the next day. He messed her back up so bad that my mom's doctor wanted to admit her into the hospital to put her in traction, to which my mother said, "Fuck that! Oh shit, guess I better try that nice thing again some other time."