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Sunday, February 27, 2005

Power In Numbers

Man you guys are the shit! I am amazed at how many well wishes I've received from all of you "strangers". This little old blog got 46 comments and my e-mail inbox was practically full with 75 e-mails. I also got flowers from some of my very bestest online peeps. I am completely blown away by the kindness of so many people I've never met. Thank you all very much for making this very difficult time a little less painful for me.


My brother who lives in Las Vegas didn't make it home before our dad passed away Wednesday because he is in the military and had to await orders. In a way, I look at it as a blessing. Forever, he will have his final memories of our dad in a happy healthy state.

Thursday night, when my brother got into town, we all gathered at my parent's house. We sat around remembering our dad in a way, I think he would have approved. We sang as my brother Jimmy played the guitar. Of course most of us were off key and the rest of us didn't know the words but I have no doubt our dad was there looking down on us thinking, "What the hell did those kids do with the money I gave them for singing lessons?"

They say there is power in numbers and apparently our parents never had any hobbies because they had eight children. Power indeed! I can't begin to tell you how thankful I am for all of the power I felt sitting there with my mom and siblings.

Learning to cope with so many heartbreaking feelings couldn't happen without the precious time we shared that night. Knowing Dad isn't going to be there anymore, I can't help but have a heavy heart, but that night, for the first time since his diagnosis in July, my heart felt free. We celebrated life the way he taught us, through love and laughter.

There were tears too but only because we wanted more. Maybe it's selfish to want more from a man who really gave his everything, but my dad was always quick to let me know I was spoiled rotten, so I guess even he expected this behavior.

Seeing him struggle in the last weeks of his life may have been the worst thing I've ever witnessed. At the same time, there was this amazing beauty involved. He brought our family back together. While he was so sick, we worked as a team for him, to make him comfortable, the way he always did for us.