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Sunday, March 06, 2005

News You Can't Really Use

Too many oddball things are going on in the world. Maybe I've been preoccupied and haven't been keeping close enough tabs to the news lately, but it seems to me this week I read more insane news than ever.

Story one was about the monster sized implant for sale on eBay (See Big Breasted Bully below.) the said breast was nearing the $20,000 mark last I checked the auction site. When I see that kind of money going out for something so damn meaningless, it annoys the crap out of me! Enjoy your new oversized bag of silicone you stupid fuck!

Story two was about a homeless woman in Grand Junction, Colorado, who was arrested after allegedly wrestling naked with a dog. The woman claimed to be having sex with the dog for quite some time. Owners of the dog called police because their dog had been acting "weird". You know you are a skank ho if even the neighborhood dogs don't wanna hump you.

Story three told me about a 9-year-old girl who will now live as a boy. I am not a homophobe or basher by any means. I don't care who loves you as long as you are loved but... the parents talked to the teacher and administration of the child's school and asked them to now treat the child as a boy. They changed her name and the way she dresses. I can't help but wonder how the kid's classmates will treat him. Knowing last week "Sally" used the girl's bathroom/locker room but came back to school after a long weekend and now wants to be called "Billy" and will be using the boy's bathroom/locker room, I suspect may cause some kind of problem or concern for the other students.

Story four reminded me that my kids aren't so terribly rotten. An 8-year-old boy was arrested for throwing a tantrum in school. Officers in Williamsburg, Virginia said the boy was the youngest they'd ever arrested. (Did they really need to tell the media that, or are most 8-year-olds hardened criminals?) Charged with disorderly conduct, assault and battery the 4-foot perpetrator, allegedly was tossing chairs and overturning desks, while three school employees tried to stop him.

Story five was not as bad as four, but still made me thankful for my kids. A 6-year-old boy was suspended from school for a tantrum. His parents were called to his parochial school and told to spank him for causing so much trouble. When the child's mom refused to spank him, the principal immediately suspended the boy. Some of his many offenses included, tantrums, chewing gum, bringing toys to school and talking out of turn.

Story six involved a not so attentive cat owner. A woman was driving down the highway with a cat on the roof of her car. A man tried to tell her to pull over but she was too afraid that he was trying to pull a scam on her. She drove more than 10 miles with the feline digging it's nails into the hood of her car before she finally stopped to see why the man was following her and pointing to the top of her car. I sure hope this broad doesn't have children. Ever.

And that my friends is a wrap up of stupid news for the week.