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Friday, December 16, 2005

Hello. Is It Me You're Looking For?

Yesterday's post was a copout. I know. My mom called to tell me so. Hoss even called that one. Mom blows me shit every time I toss out a short post. It's just that my morning didn't start out very well, as you can tell in that post below. Plus, Thursdays are very quiet in Blogland. That is unless you are part of the Half Naked Thursday group. Since I don't post random nude body parts, my site counter rests on the day others are going crazy.

My buddy Ivy wrote about me today. If you need additional dorkiness that popped out of my mind, go visit her and read all about it. Make sure you take the quiz I made up.

The coming of age is in full force here at the Lane Estate. My kids are acting much too much like teenagers and I am regressing. Our phone rings nonstop. Normally I am the one who answers. Lately, however, it's never for me.

I find myself yelling, "1, 2, 3, not it!"

Lane 2 loves to answer the phone. Even when it isn't for her she still carries on a conversation with whoever is on the line. That is unless it's Valerie.

I know I am going to sound like I live in the stone age when I say we don't have caller ID, but it's just one of those things I really never wanted. There's something to be said about the mystery of who is on the line that makes answering the telephone fun.

Whoever is on the other end gets to hear the genuine surprise in our voices when we recognize their voice. Of course the surprise isn't always a good one, but that is a good opportunity to brush up on our acting skills. I think it builds great character.

As the phone rang Lane 1 handed it to me and said "I'm not here."

Second ring, "Yes you are, and I am not lying for you."

"Dude ma," third ring, "please!"

Lane 2 spoke up, "I'll get it but this is going to cost you."

Lane 1 nodded in agreement and handed the phone over as ring four was underway.

"Hello? Yes. What are you doing? You have to be doing something. I need to finish my homework quick so I can help Mom with dinner. Yeah. Okay, hold on."

She handed me the phone. Lane 1 let out a sigh. Lane 2 asked if he was hiding from Valerie again. As I tried to dodge my neighbor's request for me to go fetch her kids from their school after I'd already fought the non-plowed snowy roads to fetch my own, I listened to their conversation.

"Dude man. Valerie is like a stalker. I know she is going to call today. I want you to just tell her I'm not here."

"What's in it for me?"

"I'll give you a quarter every time you lie for me. Deal?"

"No way! At least a buck and then you got a deal."

"I'm not giving you a whole dollar for every call. She calls all the time!"

Trying to hold back an evil grin, Lane 2 said, "Yeah, I know."

Valerie, as expected, called soon after. Lane 2 smiled, opened her hand pointed it toward her brother. He placed a dollar onto her palm. "Um... nope. I think he is outside. Bye."

Later, while Lane 2 was in the shower, Lane 1 said, "You know that little brat is going to be rich when she is older."

"If this Valerie thing keeps up, she won't have to wait until she is older."

He shook his head as if to say, "I can't believe my baby sister is the master of manipulation and I am dumb enough to fall for it."

I know I don't normally blog on the weekend, but this time is different. Christmas gifts are coming soon to a blog near you. Stop by this weekend and see if you were on Lois Lane's nice list. Have a great weekend everyone!