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Saturday, July 23, 2011

My little black rain cloud

Okay, Dawn, Jennifer to the third power, Jodi, Sue, and whoever else has taken over for my mother’s nagging me for a blog. Here ya go! (BTW, I had a system crash and lost the post I previously promised. But a blog’s a blog, right?!)

Anything that is remotely fun can bring a smile to your face, right? Even hearing specific sounds or reading certain words can make you grin…that is if you’re freakin’ normal!

Sun, warm weather, the sounds of summer, like children laughing, the infamous “Pop Goes the Weasel” tune as the ice cream truck drives through the neighborhood, or birds happily chirping, ukuleles, circus music, clowns and circuses are just a few of those good things…that my friend HATES.

People, meet Jennifer.

I’ve been spending some quality time with her lately. We’ve been getting to know each other better during these visits. And some of the things I’ve found out make me laugh until I can hardly breathe.

As many things as we have in common, we have an equal amount of polar opposite likes and dislikes. The strongest commonality is laughter, but who doesn’t love to laugh, right?!

The thing about Jennifer is, her laugh is so super contagious that I can’t help but laugh with her even when I have no idea what cracked her up in the first place.

Some of her dislikes are seriously some of my favorite things like sunshine, warm weather and gardening. That is a perfect day for me. But the sun gives her a headache and when she gets hot…she gets hot! Everything under the sun, pun intended, pisses her off. And this, strikes me funny. Really funny!

She absolutely loves grey rainy days. Add some cold wind to the mix, and this girl is in heaven! She claims those kinds of days energize her. For me, that is sleeping weather.

I was at her house recently, helping to clear a couple areas in her yard so she could have gardens again like she did years ago when she bought her house. She is a garden admirer, just not a fan of playing in the dirt. My friendship is true-blue; I will pull weeds, dig holes and get down-right filthy for the right person.

The reason why her former gardens became so overgrown with weeds is because she also hates snakes. Now, I’m not a huge fan, but I’d never let them stop me from getting down and dirty in my own yard plus, we don’t have any that are poisonous, so why worry.

She was certain that her yard was infested. So, like the good friend I am, I did my Samuel L. Jackson impersonation as I meandered through her backyard and hollered, “Get these mutha fuckin’ snakes, out this mutha fuckin’ yard.” (You should hear that in person, I’m good.)

I busted my ass in the summer sun, moving old bricks, pavers and rotted landscaping logs, but did not encounter one snake.

“Well there is a skin, right there!” She said in an uncomfortable tone.

I picked up the snakeskin, and said, “It’s just skin. It won’t hurt you or do anything. Here, feel it. It’s like a plastic grocery bag.”

She gave me the look…you know the, go fuck yourself, look, and walked away. I flung the skin to the ground, wiped my brow with my forearm, and went back to work, that is, until I heard a familiar sound of summer, humming in the distance.

Just as my smile grew, she said, “Fucking really?!”

Uh-oh! Jennifer was not happy.

The ice cream man was making his way down her street, and apparently, she really hates him too! Who hates the ice cream man, for Pete’s sake?

“Damn-it! That distorted music makes me want to scream! Fuck!”

I tried to not laugh at my friend, but the more I tried, the more I laughed. Hearing my laughter set her off on a tangent.

“I wish I could drive the ice cream truck,” she surprisingly said.

“Wow, really?”

“Yeah, that would be great! I’d drive up the street real slow, watch as everyone comes running out to buy some. And once they got right up to the truck, I’d fucking floor it just to watch their faces!”

This friend is deliciously evil. No wonder why I like her so much! Today, as the sky explodes in thunder, lightning, cool wind gusts and pouring rain, I hope she is happy.